Is Your Success A Threat To Men?
I’ve heard from most ladies, some of them are my friends and they have told me that one thing they know for sure is that “men are threatened by the success of women in general.” Or “Men are threatened by a woman that is independent. And even, “Men can’t handle a strong, smart, successful woman”
I think trying to understand men is a waste of time if you don’t understand yourself, who you are and what you want first. However, once you’re clear on that, it can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. Especially if you’re a successful woman.
In my years of being exposed to the society, I noticed the more educated, powerful and influential a woman becomes, not to mention her bigger bank accounts, the more struggles she has with men and ‘roles’ in relationships. Her love life challenges seem to be compounded by her growing bank account. No pun intended but it’s true. Trust me. Especially if she’s working in a ‘man’s world.’ This can cause deep-seated beliefs to take hold that wreak havoc in her relationships and love life.
It’s time to throw out the judgments we have about men in regards to our intelligence, success and wealth. It’s time to face the raw truth. It’s time to get some knowledge. So the big question is “Are men really turned off by our intelligence and success? Yes, a few are and they’re not the one’s you want anyway. These kind of men are insecure, so it really has nothing to do with you.
But what about the rest? What really turns them off? Women did things that emanated masculine energy. I will give you some common examples.
*Being competitive: Trying to prove you’re better or can beat him.
*One-uppmanship: This should be an Olympic sport. An ex of mine used to say it’s “a dick-measuring contest.” Excuse my language please.
*Knowing it all: Not giving him credit. Oh, I was so guilty of this one. I used to. Sometimes you just acknowledge what he says. You don’t have to show you know everything. Basically, you’re emanating masculine energy. Men love competing with other men. Not you.
Some things we do at times like holding back, gets to men in general. I know, opening up and sharing yourself can feel like stripping naked in public. Not being vulnerable. I get it, it’s natural to want to protect yourself and your heart. But so many women are doing it too well and they only end up protecting themselves from experiencing love.
Trying to take his role, insisting on paying after he’s offered, not accepting compliments, trying to take the reigns and be controlling etc. Quite frankly this would annoy the hell out of me! That said, you can allow your intelligence to shine naturally.
There are ways to emanate the powerful, feminine energy men crave. Before I moved from where I was living before, I was appalled at what men told me on dates. Some didn’t even know how to ‘be a gentleman.’ A few dates ended up being sessions where I coached the men on what not to share. They were so damaged by over-powerful women. They said I was a breath of fresh air.
You need to…
*Give him space to share.
*Ask lots of questions/be interested. It’s not all about you and your accomplishments.
*Teach him something new. Intelligence is a real turn on. Share something new in a non-threatening way.
*Give him advice (when he asks for it).
*Relax into who you truly are. After a day of working my ass off, i’m more than happy to give the reins to my man. Its that simple.
*Be candid about embarrassing moments.
*Let go of insecure feelings. Men are feeling insecure too. I was on a date with a man who runs a big ass company. During dinner, to my surprise, he said, “Kemi, I’m really nervous…” Awwwww, I thought.
*Cry, laugh or show emotions.
*Inspire him to feel like a man. Accept his compliments, no-strings-attached offers and his attention.
When you do this, he’ll be more comfortable with you.
The reason I share these insights into the minds of powerful men is to show you that all men, no matter how accomplished and successful are just human beings. Just like you. So give them a break.
Ladies, smart successful men are not the enemy. They crave your beauty, brains, femininity and support. But you’ve got to inspire them and give them a chance to show up. Don’t block them before they even get started.
On this note, I’ll leave you with this quote from Katherine graham, “The thing women must do to rise to power is to redefine their femininity. Once, power was considered a masculine attribute. In fact, power has no sex.”
To our hapiness. Cheers.