Secrets of successful relationships

We hear much of the disputes and failures going on in families and communities.

But what can we learn from what goes right in successful relationships?

Thus, we shall discuss here some secrets of successful relationships in families and communities.

The first rule of creating successful families is commitment to family unity.

Husbands and wives who are committed to their marriage view it as a permanent bond. This creates a sense of security in the family.

Each spouse is confident that the other will honour the union, even in difficult times.

Some couples are compelled to stay together owing to social pressure.

However, it is far better unity is achieved due to a sense of commitment that is based on mutual love and respect.
   
When confronted with problems, spouses without commitment are more likely to conclude they are just not made for each other.

Then, they look for ways to get out of the marriage.

But if you are committed to your marriage, when you are wronged, you are quick to forgive and apologise. You see problems as obstacles not as deal breakers.

But the Bible principle involved in this is: “What God has yoked together, let no man put apart,” Matthew 19:6.
   
For couples, the second rule is teamwork. When there is teamwork in a relationship, a husband and wife are like a pilot and copilot with the same flight plan.

Even when challenges arise, each spouse thinks in terms of we, rather than me.

The Bible says: “They are no longer two, but one flesh,” Matthew 19:6.

The solution is to forget who is right or wrong, but having peace and unity in your marriage.

And thirdly, what this means is respect; spouses care and respect each other even during a disagreement.

Respecting your wife means you appreciate her value  and you would do nothing to damage her or your marriage.
  
Without respect, conversations can become laced with criticism, sarcasm and contempt- qualities that researchers say are early predictors of divorce.

Making bad remarks, innuendoes or jokes about your wife will only crush her confidence, destroy her trust and damage your marriage.

The solution is to tell your wife three ways you would like to be shown respect. Have your wife do the same.

Make a list of traits you admire in your spouse. Then, tell your spouse how much you appreciate those traits.

To respect your husband means you show by your actions that you want him to be happy.

The Bible principle covering this is: “Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness and patience,” Colossians 3:12.
   
The fourth rule is forgiveness. To forgive means to let go of an offence and any feelings of resentment it may have caused you.

“Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another,” Colossians 3:13.

When you love someone you overlook her imperfections, instead you see the person she is trying to become.

With resentment, you can harm yourself physically, emotionally and you can also damage your marriage.

The next time you are hurt by something your spouse has said or done, excuse him of his behaviour, remembering that “we all stumble many times,” James 3:2. And for parents, the fifth rule is discipline. To discipline means to guide or teach.

This also means correcting a child’s behaviour.

Often, this involves imparting moral training that helps a child learn to make good choices in life.

In recent times, discipline has all but disappear from homes, as parents fear that correction might lower a child’s self-esteem.
   
However, wise parents set reasonable rules, training their children to abide by them.

Children need boundaries to enable them grow into well-rounded adults.

Without discipline, children are like a rudderless ship, which will eventually get lost and even capsize.