Questions I’m asked – Part 2
(Continued from last week)
Our biases, background and experience may colour our perception, but we can find what we really seek if we allow our minds to be harassed a bit, worked on, then you can find peace in the answer of your heart.
Question 4: Is it okay to try sexual positions, as recommended by sex therapists in books or movies?
Answer: Nothing is wrong with sexual positions, as recommended by sex counselors or therapist. But we should note that it is not same thing with porn.
I have issues with porn because it lacks all it promises. Aside the fact that when I watch porn, my money encourages child trafficking and sex abuse, porn never teaches sex as love-making.
Sex in porn industry is like a sport. Most use drugs to get high. It is not what is obtainable in everyday relationship with your spouse.
Those who are addicted to porn, form a mindset about ‘sexy bodies,’ big dicks or boobs and other mythical fantasies that promise a lift.
It is never true. Many times, we begin to imagine our spouses are not sexually compatible.
Please know that your marital sexual experiences are private, unique and personal. They have nothing to do with those of any other married couple you know or with anyone else.
Pay no attention to the man who brags about the number of erections he has a night or the woman who says she has 12 orgasms when she has sex with her husband.
Forget all that and focus on your spouse, know and find each other in loving relationship, communication and regular intimacy.
You will find what suits and make improvements. The point is, you should desire sex only with your spouse and become one flesh. Enjoy yourselves, nothing you do together as couple is wrong as long as it is showing affection and love.
Question 5: My wife has just told me that she has been going out with another man. I can’t believe it. I am kind of person in a state of shock.
We have been married for 11 years and I thought we had an absolutely ideal marriage. I never would have dreamed that she could do such a thing.
She has broken off the affair and it is completely over. I can trust her about that. She feels dreadful that it ever happens.
But how I can I forgive her or forget it or ever feel together with her again? Why did it have to happen to us?
Answer: That is what you have to find out. I always say that unfaithfulness has its root in sense of loneliness and un-satisfaction. We should find out why it happened, because that is far more important than the fact that it did.
Believe her when she says she loves you; she probably never stopped loving you for a moment. I know it is hard to comprehend, but it is true more often than not in this situation.
I know the male ego steps in here. They can accept the fact, though they won’t like it, that a wife may have let another man kiss her or may have indulged in heavy petting under certain circumstances.
But it could be that there is some lack in your marriage relationship that caused her to be that susceptible and unsecure. Don’t think you can’t trust her from now on. You can trust her now more than ever. She has learned a lesson the hard way.
If you find it hard to forget it, talk to a professional person. Never bring it up in a quarrel, let it go. Never think of revenge, it won’t solve anything.
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