My past hunts me

Sad thoughtful looking young woman

Hi, I am Nikki. I am in my early 30s and single. There is this guy I have been dating for a while and I love him so much.

However, I had sex with his older brother 10 years ago when I was really loose.

His brother and I messed around twice for money and afterwards, we have remained really cool with one another, always talking once a week or so.

Then, I met the younger brother at a party for their family.

We talked and texted that night, only to hook-up later on that night. Six months later, the whole family knows.

The big brother goes around our mutual friends asking what do they think about our relationship (that we don’t have).

It is just a big headache, but the younger brother and I do care about each other.

We really didn’t think of it as being a big deal. I stopped calling the younger brother, but he still calls and wants to hang out.

But I am sick of going back and forth with his family, because he tells me what they say behind my back.

Something that was supposed to be a fun fling turned wrong.

Re- Great Shock From My Wife

THAT must have been a doozy of a fight, and it is a good reminder that no matter how angry you get, keep alert that rational part of your mind that says: “This fight will end, so don’t say anything that will end this marriage.”

I am wondering what it was that made you press your wife for her confession.

When she and your brother are together at family functions, does he say things like, “Sandy, no more screwdrivers for you? You know where your panties end up when you have too much to drink.”

Let us assume they haven’t had some strangely flirtatious relationship and you have had no sense that anything untoward was happening between them.

Then, even if you had suspicions about the past, you should have long ago consigned those to the memory hole.

What you should do now is apologise to your wife for forcing her confession and work on accepting that this information is meaningless to your relationship.

If you still feel a need to one-up your brother, do it by holding onto the truth that you and your wife came together in a loving, mutually respectful way and that you two have created a beautiful young family.

When thoughts of this stupid one-time event plague you, get down on the floor and start playing with your kids or do Sudoku or find some other distraction. If that doesn’t help, try some therapy.

Not so you and your wife can endlessly rehash the one-night stand, but to establish rules for how to constructively engage when, as does every couple, you fight.

Don’t let thoughts of your manipulative brother manipulate you into shattering your family over an event that took place before you and your wife were even an item.

Re- Is Telling The Truth The Best Policy Here?

THERE is no purpose in your telling your husband that years ago, you and a co-worker once groped each other.

Your husband might even wonder if this confession is actually a prelude to a desire for more groping or a trial balloon for bigger confessions.

You made a minor mistake and never repeated it, so please, stop letting your happiness be shadowed by useless, perpetual guilt.

Advice: Dear readers, mail your comments, reactions or true love stories, quiz or personal experience you wish to share to: simonclar@yahoo.com

For marriage counseling, call Simon on 07032944123.

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