Friends With Your Ex? Good Or Bad Idea?
I KNOW what some of you are thinking, you are thinking “there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex,” or your thinking “well they should be cool with it because the ex was there before them,” or finally you’re thinking “I know plenty of people who are good friends with their ex!”
Well before you go there I want you to think about this first. I am sure all of us are old enough to have had an ex before so do me a favor and think about how long it truly took you to be over that ex. Now think about how many times you and that ex were broken up, but both of you played that in and out, love/hate, emotional roller-coaster game.
Now think about all the times both of you said it was over but were still having sex! Then finally ask yourself why you think that the new person you are pursuing should be okay with you being “friends” with that same person?
There are many reasons why you should not be friends with your ex. I will list a few.
Proximity Will Cause Issues!
The bottom line is that when a person is an ex and you were truly in love with them, no matter how you two broke up there are still numerous reasons that you were in love with them, and sheer proximity sometimes will not let those feelings go away. So this means that when you two keep texting, calling, skyping, communicating, and hanging out, you are doing nothing but breeding ground for those feelings to resurface and cause confusion.
I do not care who you are and no matter how rational you are if you have ever been in love you know that just saying we are broken up vs. actually being broken up is a process. It is a process that is almost never successful as long as the two people are trying to be “friends” and do things the same way just without the title. This has happened to me that is why I am so against it. So please remember that committing and breaking up are both actions. So just because you use the words does not mean you are necessarily practicing them!
You Will Turn Off Potential New Mates!
When you are trying to pursue a new relationship, but you make your ex a priority the only thing you do is send signs to the new person that they are not a priority. When you are always justifying and defending why you and your ex still talk so much, or you act as if it is not that big of a deal you immediately begin to lose “trust points” with the new person.
Do not act like you have never been dating a girl or guy who is always communicating with their ex, but when you ask why they say “trust me it is not that big a deal!” What you do not know is the other person is thinking no…I do not trust you, and furthermore if it is not that big a deal then why does it seem like such a priority!! I mean seriously how many times do people have to lose out on someone who is good for them because they spend so much time trying to be “cool” with someone who has proven not to be good them!!
You May Set Yourself Up To Be Hurt Again!
The other thing that people seem to not remember is that people/your ex will almost always tell you everything you want to hear and all of sudden want to “change” when they feel that they are about to lose you for real. Most of the time “for real” is when you are becoming interested in someone new.
If you think I am lying, think about that friend that you know who keeps sabotaging any new relationships because she runs back to her ex because he or she all of a sudden wants to “work things out!” Look people I am not saying that people do not change or cannot change, but I am saying stop ruining your chances at future happiness because you keep focusing on the words of your ex and not the actions of your ex. The person is your ex for a reason!
Sometimes you have to make room for your blessings and many times that is not possible when you are holding on to what was, instead of focusing on what could be!
Drop that ex like a bad habit if he or she is pulling you back and ruining your chances of a happy long lasting relationship.
To the loving relationship we all deserve. Good luck in love and life. Cheers.
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