Getting Along In Your Relationship
WHERE have you ever heard that love is easy? It is not. I assure you especially when it comes to getting along with your partner. No matter how much you may love your boyfriend, there are those days, as in any relationship, when he can really press your buttons. But if you are not careful, those little things that irritate you can grow into bigger issues over time, and before you know it, all you do is fight and argue. You then find yourself questioning whether love is going to be enough to keep you together. Well, the answer is, it is not and it will not.
Love alone is not enough to make a relationship work. You need other things to achieve a healthy, happy relationship, repair the cracks in the foundation, smooth over the rough spots, and help you get along better on a day-to-day basis.
In dealing with your partner, you need to..
Learn To Really Listen To What He Has to Say
Effective communication is critical in any relationship and truly listening to what your partner has to say is one of the most important ways to achieve it. Make a conscious effort to listen without interrupting and without rehearsing in your head what you plan to say next. Then confirm that you heard what he said by responding with something like: “I hear you saying that [then repeat what you heard him say].” This technique isn’t about you agreeing with him; it is about validating that his thoughts and feelings matter and are being heard. You will be surprised how much the act of listening can help diffuse a fight and improve the dynamics of your communication.
Talk About The Real Issues That Are Bothering You
Do not talk around a problem or pick on something petty when the thing that has you angry or frustrated is something totally different. We all do it. We find some minor fault to fight about while avoiding the main issue. You complain about every little thing he does including watching football all the time. But the real issue that is bothering you is the fact that you dislike him spending a lot of hours in front of the TV watching football when you would rather do something else as a couple that you enjoy. If you argue over something that is not even the real problem, how will you ever fix what is really bothering you?
Likewise, if you do not ask, you will not get. Contrary to what many women think or wish. The thing is that a man cannot read your mind. You have to ask for what you want and talk about the true issues in your relationship in a calm and rational manner. Do not avoid talking about what really matters and do not let problems or annoyances fester and boil over. Once they hit the boiling point, a blow-up is almost inevitable
Learn To Fight Like Adults
To fight like adults, focus on finding your common ground through calm, rational discussion and if you cannot agree, then look for a compromise or simply agree to disagree. In the end, it is about mutual respect.
Work On Building Intimacy
There is more to love than engaging in physical displays of affection or having sex. Many times when couples say they love each other but cannot get along, what they are really saying is they are physically attracted to each other, but they do not understand each other or do not share mutual goals or values.
You need to be friends before you can be lovers. And what does it mean to become friends? It is about forming an intellectual and emotional connection with your partner, taking the time to talk and share your values, dreams, and history.
Quit Trying To Change Him
As much as you might like to, you cannot change a man into the person you want him to be. If you say you love him but are constantly fighting over your expectations of how you want him to act, or the things you want him to do or not do, then you are likely to remain unhappy in your relationship. Try to put the things you do not like in perspective with the qualities that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Ultimately, you have two choices: either learn to accept your boyfriend for who he is, faults and all and focus your attention on becoming the person you want to be, or recognize that this may not be the relationship for you after all.
Put these into practice in your relationship and I truly believe you will see a difference and be able to put the focus back on the love you share.
To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers.
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