Finding Family



And the rib, which the lord had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said : this is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 1vs 22-24)

“The next above is popular with those who teach on marriage or relationship. We hear ‘bone of my bones’ and ‘missing ribs’. But I think what we do when we marry is to find a member of our family we did not know. The phrase ‘bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ is not really marriage. It means you are my brother or my sister, or family. Scripture like Genesis 29 verse 14, shows us that Laban referred to Jacob, his sister’s son as ‘my bone and my flesh’. You can read up other passages like Judges 9 verse 2, 2nd Samuel 5 verse 1. Then tell us that that phrase means family. In fact the bible teaches that God made us all of one blood (Act 17vs26). In a way we are all related, we are family, we are the same. The point here is that what we actually do when we marry is to find our family, that wasn’t given to us or allowed to be born in our home.

Anyone you marry will be part of your life and destiny. We are a family.Talking about marriage I do not understand why some person find it difficult getting a spouse. If we really saw how God did it for Adam, we could follow the pattern. First God saw the need for a life partner for Adam. It was Adam who made Eve his wife. God only brought a woman. You don’t have to start searching for a wife because those of in your age group are marrying. I think it is our over ambition to get married, raise a family that has brought a lot of regret and pain in many homes. Some people have life partners God didn’t bring to them.

The way God does it is that you must know you need a wife or a husband until the right person comes. If you trust God to be your creator and that he has the best plans for your life, then pray and ask Him to guide you. If it is His will for you to marry, He will bring the person. This ‘single and searching’ rush is something that has not so much helped. How do we know we have found what we are looking for? When he proposes? When she starts being nice or fall for your sweet words? The skill is the ability to RECOGNISE. How do you recognize the one that is actually made and brought to you and for you?

Adam woke up one morning and saw a woman, then he instantly knew she was taken from him. Jesus told peter that flesh and blood have not revealed his identity to him about who Christ is. There are many people who flesh and blood revealed their spouse. They went after several compatibility or attractiveness, or status, or heightened emotions. You don’t have to dream. It is an inner knowing. It comes if you pray about it, have a consistent relationship with God and regular devotion. You will get your sign from God. It will be peace of mind. You will first know. It is not the ‘falling in love’ syndrome it is beyond psychology.

When you find the right person, you will sense a promptness that wasn’t there before. You will start proposing, planning, telling people. Something tells you, this is it; and you go for it. Maybe you thought or planned to marry in five years time, all of a sudden you find this person, and you begin to do whatever it takes. You will feel an urgency, a drive; you will start to do more. Jacob saw Rachael, and decided to serve her father for as long as it takes. You will start looking for an apartment if you were putting up with someone.

You will accept this person with all contradictions. There is no perfect person. But you will see a person who just fit you. This is something that will take your eyes off any other person. You will want to introduce the person to all the people in your life. You will think of no other option. Even angels will ask you to marry this person. Mary was pregnant, and Joseph wasn’t responsible. He decided to secretly dissolve the relationship, the angel said; ‘take her to be your wife. Mistakes and personal weakness will make you love the person more. This is what I’ve noticed in most divinely guided marriages. And I pray that you will find that person that will accept you, your story, your life without much expectation.

You will leave your father and mother. If you can leave your father to cleave to your spouse, you will also leave your friends. There are people you live with now, that you will be willing to miss, when you find that part of your life, your family. You may not be able to explain it, but you may have to move geographically away from familiar environment. You will be willing to do it. You may cry as you go, but you will go with this person because somehow you feel that bond of bone and flesh. I don’t know if it were the same with you, but having witnessed so many such unions, I think I will not be far from the truth. Think about it. It’s your turn soon.

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