The Week

The secret to a long life is in education and nutrition but also we might add staying away from the DSS, not having too many wives, avoiding women generally and irate pastors. Stay safe by reading up on the stories that made our week…

Live long

The secret to long life lives in South Korea where according to a study by Imperial College, London and the World Health Organisation, women will soon live an average of 90 years, the highest life expectancy in the world.   Things that have benefitted the South Koreans are education and nutrition. They also have some of the lowest obesity rates in the world.

No romance without finance

It used to be just in songs that “ain’t nothing going on but the rent” but if Sanusi, Emir of Kano gets his way it will become law that a man can only have the wives he can afford.  Sanusi believes that ending polygamy in poverty which will help cut down on terrorism and other forms of crime by cutting the number of beggar children whose parents cannot afford any education. The proposal which will be submitted to the Kano legislature in two weeks comes with an accompanying playlist, Can you pay my bills? (Destiny’s Child), I don’t want no Scrubs (TLC) and Mo money, Mo problems (Notorious BIG, Mase and Puff Daddy).

Punish them with love?  

The touchy-feely approach to rehabilitation went to new levels this week as inmates at Lang’ata Prison in Kenya were treated to flowers for Valentine’s Day, a fashion parade and performances by professional artists and free grooming by beauty students from a local college. The parade was won by a woman accused of killing her boyfriend. Guess that’s what they call a femme fatale.

This is Au you du it!

After a week of hashtag protest, Audu Maikori was released by the DSS from being held over now retracted claims about genocide in South Kaduna. The Chocolate City boss who is still under investigation thanked his supporters profusely in a speech and praised the nation’s ability to unite under a common cause.

Drake Tribute to Rihanna

Rihanna turned 29 this week and received the sweetest (or cringies depending your perspective) of tributes from Drake who performed a medley of their collaborations at a concert in Dublin, Ireland.

Whether Drake has been lucky or unlucky in love after on/off relationships with some of the world’s most desirable women, Serena Williams, Rihanna, Madonna, J-Lo again depends on your perspective.

Big Brother cursed!

After recent acts of debauchery on the reality show gripping the nation and a married ThinTallTony, deceiving contestants into thinking he is single, one of the nation’s clerics could take no more, putting a curse on the show and all associated with it. Port Harcourt based Pastor Mike Winning, head of Dominion Glory Assembly, posted on Facebook that the resources of anyone attempting to sponsor the show would dry up. He later deleted the post but I’m sure he’ll be keeping a close watch on the show to see what terrible things happen next.