Features  

The #BabyBoy Manifesto

By Joe Abah

14 July 2019   |   5:45 am

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on WhatsApp Share on Telegram

Gentlemen, as the world-renowned “King of Baby Boys”, I offer you the #BabyBoyManifesto. This manifesto holds the secret to your new level. But first, you have to make a decision to belong to this party and believe in all that I stated. You also need to know that your belief in this manifesto will make…

Ebuka Obi-Uchendu. Photo Instagram

Gentlemen, as the world-renowned “King of Baby Boys”, I offer you the #BabyBoyManifesto. This manifesto holds the secret to your new level. But first, you have to make a decision to belong to this party and believe in all that I stated. You also need to know that your belief in this manifesto will make you have more foes than enemies. Your reception will be a mixture of admiration and envy, but you’ll be a happy man.

Here are the steps to being a successful Baby Boy:

1. In case you didn’t know, a Baby Boy works hard. Damn hard! He also works smart. He is strategic and doesn’t waste his effort on unproductive activities. You need to work really really hard if you want to be a Baby Boy.

2. A Baby Boy treats his woman good. Real good. Don’t go and join those “yeye” people that want to treat women like trash. The women will end up treating you like trash. Trust me. A Baby Boy treats his woman with respect. He notices her new hairdo and constantly complements her.

3. A Baby Boy is generally a happy guy. He laughs a lot and enjoys life. He notices the wonders of nature. The beauty of the rose, the melody of the nightingale, the beauty of the womenfolk. Don’t go and join “Angry Twitter” o. It’s for frustrated people, not Baby Boys like us.

4. A good Baby Boy will be fit and keep his body in top shape. At all times, your chest should protrude more than your stomach. A Baby Boy doesn’t eat everything he sees, just because he can. He exercises his body because he needs a fully functional body for both work and play.

5. You cannot be a good Baby Boy if you are a dullard. Baby Boys are sharp, well-read and impeccably mannered. You need to read. You need to be able to take in the opinions of others and respect them while being firm in your principles and convictions.

A gentleman’s beard and hair kit. Photo Man Bundle

6. Grooming is VERY important in a Baby Boy’s life. Visit the barber often. NO DIRTY FINGERNAILS! Scrub your feet, “abeg”, if you can’t afford pedicures. Don’t have hairs sticking out of your nose and ears. NO RAZOR BUMPS!

7. BODY ODOUR IS A TABOO! Get yourself a good antiperspirant and subtle cologne. A Baby Boy knows that the rule of the thumb is “less is more.” You don’t want to walk into a place and choke the others with your perfume. Be the gentleman that you are with your distinct perfume.

8. A Baby Boy dresses well, in an understated way. Nothing says a gentleman than the classic elegance of a black suit. Being fit, he looks like he was born in a suit. DO NOT leave the label of your suit on its sleeve. Don’t be a bushman! No white shoes. No rainbow coloured fisherman pants. No loud jewellery. Nice watch. Nice belt. Nice polished shoes. Unless stipulated by religion, do not caught with the Taliban look.

9. A Baby Boy exercises his body by working out; he exercises his brain by reading, and he exercises his spirit by praying. Pray hard. Don’t be one of those bitter people angry with God. A Baby Boy knows he needs God. He needs the peace and hope that belief in God brings.

10. A Baby Boy is a good father to his children. He treats his female children like princesses and his male children like princes. He finds time to do homework with them. Quarrels with their mother NEVER extends to the kids. He also disciplines & guides them & gives them self belief.

11. Finally, a Baby Boy has a good heart. He gives of his time & money to help others. He derives joy in the happiness of others. No inferiority complex. He is respectful of elders & treats the youth with respect. He protects the weak/vulnerable and fights injustice.

12. For everytime a Baby Boy uses the toilet, always ensure that you wash your behind and wash your hands with soap. Using tissues are not enough. Your toilet hygiene is very important.

13. Dining is important to the Baby Boy. He knows that piling his plate with food is total disrespect to the Baby Boy club. Gluttony is not in his books regardless of his appetite. He knows that famine is not ravaging the land. Exercise some restraint.

14. A Baby Boy knows that these are important accessories in his bespoke suit (a) His sleeve buttons (mother-of-pearl, blue resin, or similar); (b) Length of jacket- Drop 6 or 7; (c) Waist easer (the small dimple at the centre point of his trouser band) and (d) Belt loops or Side Fasteners