Love and Relationships  

Six Questions To Ask Before Saying “I Do”

By Onwuadiamu Awele

06 September 2020   |   11:00 am

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It is people’s dream to one day walk down the aisle with that significant other. Planning a wedding releases happy hormones that leave one feeling excited because they are so in love. Marriage is a really big commitment that requires your all. As such, making sure you and your partner are on the same page…

Black Man Kissing Woman’s Hand Dining In Restaurant | Image: Getty Images

It is people’s dream to one day walk down the aisle with that significant other. Planning a wedding releases happy hormones that leave one feeling excited because they are so in love.

Marriage is a really big commitment that requires your all. As such, making sure you and your partner are on the same page in important things is very important. No question is too big to be off the table when you are about to take this life-changing decision.

Here are six big questions you might need to discuss:

How do you envision family life?
Individuals are different and when two people decide to become one, it’s important to know your core value system. This is because as we have different family traditions and beliefs, so are our expectations in marriage, family life inclusive You should be able to discuss extensively on what shaped your belief system so that the what impacted on you negatively while growing up will not be a stumbling block in your new journey of marital bliss. This is also important if you are thinking of having children. Your parents might be career-driven while your partner might have made their marriage a priority or in either case, the children were expected to be independent from a young age. Discussions like this help to structure the type of family you want.

What finance plans should we undertake?
Talking about money is one difficult and sensitive subject to pull. In fact, a lot of marriages have been shattered because of finance. Ensure you have a conversation and a strong agreement about your finances before you tie the knot. Are you looking to have a separate or joint account? Who pays for what? How do you pay?
This is because one of you might be a spender and the other, a saver. It is critical to know if your partner owes any debt. Make sure you’re aware of your partner’s financial matters.

How do we stay connected?
Sometimes, sex is not a reason why people cheat. In fact, some argue that it is hardly a reason. Cheating can be as a result of lost connection with their partner. When communication is lost, it can give room for negatives in the home. Couples need to take out time to discuss how they will nurture their relationship. It is a good idea to examine how you will continue to spice the relationship, whether it is through dates, getaways or anything that will make the heart flutter. We understand that this can be challenging especially when children are in the picture to feed and care for, and more bills to pay. However, it is also vital to recognize the importance of connection.

Do you really see yourself spending forever with them?
The emotions behind saying “I do” is exciting. But take a pause and look beyond all the interesting things that would happen that day. Do you really want to grow old with this person?
Do you love each other’s flaws or you criticize each other’s weakness?
Is this person supportive?
Do you both respect each other’s emotions and interests?
Have you been there for each other during the bad and good days?
Does this person understand your personality or compliment you?

How do we handle boundaries with each other?
Jealousy is natural but when not handled wisely, it can lead to serious issues in a relationship. Couples need to discuss boundaries they consider acceptable or not.
Is it okay to have a best friend of the opposite sex?
Is it okay to confide in a friend about your marital problems?
Setting boundaries that work helps protect your relationship.

How do we deal with body change and satisfy each other sexually in the long run?
It’s inevitable for couples who stay together not to experience change. Changes can be physical or emotional. Couples should discuss how they would handle changes like weight gain, health problems, menopause. Through your journey as a couple sexual drives might reduce so discussing how to handle times where there is sexual disparity is also important.