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Diary of A Single Lagos Girl – Entry 3

By Bridget
17 July 2016   |   9:47 pm
The following piece is purely fictional. Any semblance to real life people or events is purely coincidental. What I’m most tired of is constantly being told how I need to get my act together. I wonder if any of the people so concerned about my act and how together or not it is have ever…

The following piece is purely fictional. Any semblance to real life people or events is purely coincidental.

What I’m most tired of is constantly being told how I need to get my act together. I wonder if any of the people so concerned about my act and how together or not it is have ever paused to think that maybe this is as together as my act can be.

Sometimes, I wonder what it is about me that attracts the kind of men I do. I most certainly haven’t scribbled ‘Unavailable Men Welcome’ on my forehead with a permanent marker, but here I am; shuffling between semi-relationships with men who either belong to other women or are just not emotionally available right now. Sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I hit the jackpot and land one man who is actually both of these things. Truth be told, that’s not even what bothers me. What bothers me is that I’m a little bit okay with it. It is a win-win situation, the way I see it.

I’m not one to fix something that isn’t broken, and I believe you should continue to do something that works for you for as long as you can continue to afford to. For me, right now, being with someone else’s man works. I get all the attention I need, and some, I get the intimacy and friendship, and I get an incredible amount of support. Besides, ever since I realised I didn’t want to be with someone who’s in a hurry to settle down, I needed to settle back into my default state of no serious commitments.

I make it a point not let other people’s opinions pressure me into making decisions, and so I had to let Anthony go. Of course, everyone rolled their eyes and thought I was mad because “he’s a good man” but how good a man can he be if he can’t understand that I do not want to rush into a relationship? Can you imagine I told this guy these exact same words and he wouldn’t speak to me for a couple of days? Tomorrow one man will stand up somewhere and say women are petty and childish. Meanwhile, all they want is to be spoon fed and they throw tantrums when they don’t get their way.

And so, I’ve settled back into my comfort zone. Not with a married man again though – I’ve said goodbye to that life as well. The fear of acid being thrown at me is too real to deal, please. I found a man who makes me laugh and takes care of me and is my friend. While his girlfriend is out of town, I keep him company. It’s a working balance for now. I don’t feel any pressure to make any deeper commitments, and he doesn’t feel the need to lie to me because we are both aware of what this is.

People don’t get how much easier it is to go into any sort of relationship honestly. It will always give me more peace of mind knowing I am just sleeping with someone for the fun of it than having him fill my head with fantasies of a happy relationship and bright future only to get the cookie and exit my life. I really wish more people understood this – sex is not a bargaining tool for a relationship, and vice versa.

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