Virtual sex requests

In her message to me, a lady recounts her experiences with “abroad guys” that she found herself in a relationship with. The message reads…

“I don’t even know if it’s ‘one-chance’ that I have entered again. We have been friends on Facebook for years, but currently became closer due to a business deal that we are working on. We have covered the basics about ourselves… relationship status (he has been separated for about 6 years while I am a single mother of one). We have even shown our bodies to ourselves. And talked deeply about the future.

However, the problem that I have with him is that he is always asking for virtual lovemaking. We started by sharing pictures of our bodies, but he never gets enough. He is always making more and more requests to see me in my glory or for us to make love and it is freaking me out. It is not that I don’t enjoy such moments, but every call must not end with ‘please do something to my mind; Please send me a picture to make my day; send me to heaven; Touch it for me.’

When I now oblige him with a video call, the next request would be ‘Open it for me. I want to see if you are circumcised.’

The other day, I had to ask him if he is on a permanent ‘hard on.’ Is it that he thinks about sex every day? And he told me that it is because of the feelings that he has for me. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Too much sex talk in a budding relationship worries me.
This was why I quit the relationship that I had with a widower a few years back. Now, this new one is doing the same thing. I told him that I wouldn’t indulge him in these virtual sex episodes again. That, I will wait until he visits home. He said that I have to keep giving him something to look forward to and I reminded him that I have done enough of that.

Please, is this reaction from him a red flag? He has also accused me of not being something ‘fluidity’ and even questioned if I really love him. Please, do you think he is being controlling?”

From Oby.
Personally, virtual sex doesn’t hold it for me. Then again, the human mind is so flexible that it can always be conditioned to respond differently to unique circumstances.

However, I have a problem with people who tend to RUSH others with their “wants and desires”. Impatience (in matters of the heart) is a selfish attribute. People, who mean well, are never in a hurry to get you on the same page (of their preferences)… they LET YOU come around at your own pace.

I may be reading things wrongly, but experience has taught me that when a supposed “matter of the heart” (that has a FUTURE undertone) starts off on a “wham bam” ideality …that is all there will ever be to it. Superficiality all the way; no deep commitments; sexual good times only.

So, you either make up your mind to flow with whatever snippets of excitement that such moments bring you or gradually begin to redirect your mind towards more desirable options.

Let him know how you feel about the rest of the setting. I am wondering the kind of future one will have with a man who TALKS mostly sex with her. I don’t think the essence is that hidden. Of course, there are tender moments of the heart, but other more serious issues of life should also take up space in your interactions.

I hate to think that some people can be so self-centered as to let themselves convert others to their RELAXANT without realizing it. Hello?

You don’t make another’s time and mental space all about YOUR DESIRES. It is selfish. Once this is the case, the setting becomes about what puts him in the mood. Not your emotional needs. Or even the sacredness of your mental space.

Like I said, go with the flow but keep an open mind towards other options. Understand that you don’t have much of a future with anybody who doesn’t give room for your discomfort, distress or displeasure to be sorted out…without accusing you.

Him being over there and you being down here… you couldn’t have been the only lady “post his ex”. Perhaps, they all wanted what he may not give you; a commitment. Women walk out VERY EASILY on men whose presence in their lives is directionless.

Sister, you need to define your priorities once again, please. I encourage people to flow with the moment but also know when certain moments are NOT suitable for unpacking.