They are not your problem…

The lady that reached out to me touched on an issue that I consider ‘crucial’ in the life of woman. A phenomenon that, if unchecked, has rendered countless women emotional wrecks and succeeded in making them a shadow of themselves.
Read our lady, first:

“When I came across a part of your article that says that most women are naturally prone to feeling insecure, especially in relationships, I said to myself, ‘I can relate to this.’

Please, this is me sharing my personal experience and what I consider my weakness with you.

I had a “live-in” child minder that’s almost at the tail end of her teenage years.

She has a habit of moisturising her body after her usual night bath. The funny thing is the fragrance of her body cream is easily perceived all over the house. One cheap cream that I bought for her o!

Do you know that ‘yours sincerely’ also began to use body spray –before going to bed? Something I never used to do…besides my regular perfume that I use, when going out.

My poor husband apparently didn’t care about what was going on. He felt that my latest effort was a signal for “romance mood.” Little did he know that a growing girl’s harmless beauty regimen has made me to start protecting my territory.

I laugh at myself now, but it wasn’t funny then. As the days went by, it would seem like my insecurity around the girl deepened. Especially, after a colleague said: “Is this beautiful girl your house girl?’’

I began to read meanings into every move she made. When she served my husband …I would begin to analyse the motive behind her gesture and scrutinise her body language or the tone of voice she used when interacting with my husband. Even her wears were a problem. Clothes sit well on her, thanks to her physique.

Then came the moment of realisation.

My aunt that brought her came to the house one day, asking if the girl has wronged me in any way. Apparently, the girl wanted my aunt to make me tell her what she has done wrong. So that she could apologise…since she couldn’t think of any.

That encounter opened my eyes to how far I drove a girl that was once like a daughter to me… no thanks to my insecurity. I remember the days I would not leave the house until my husband left first. And I would end up getting to work late.

Why? So they wouldn’t get an opportunity to interact. Is it the times I would deliberately close at a “non-closing hour” and then hang by the door…with my ears tightly pressed to it, in case ‘something’ was happening?

Yet, I should be the first to tell whoever cares to listen that my husband is one-of-a-kind…when it comes to such.

But when INSECURITY sets in…I tossed my convictions about the man that I have known since my teenage years into the garbage. I also remember the look of fright I saw on her face on the day that I raised my voice at her.

The issue at hand didn’t actually warrant that but only me knew that that aggression was brought on by how ‘unattractive’ her young, well-shaped body was making me feel.

I woke up one day and decided that, Blessing (that’s her name) wasn’t my problem. So, I sent her packing…with more than enough money to go enroll in a fashion design academy.

That has always been her passion.

I did apologise for the strange woman that I had become to her. She deserves better. I realised that any other woman out there would still pose a problem (threat) to me, if I didn’t work on myself. I am still a work in progress.

The important thing, however, is recognising that the problem is me, and not necessarily other women!”

FROM OBY…

Yeah, the times are DESPERATE! But sometimes, it’s not about the wiles of other women. Most of us are plagued with acute insecurity. And would still act up even in the most innocent of circumstances.

There are women to whom the only offence a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful, famous (this one is a given!) or better dressed.

While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a “husband snatcher” is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or a widow. Sisters, other women are not your problem!

I mean, with an insecure woman…ANYBODY is a threat! You see, the mind of an insecure person is a fertile ground for unwholesome thoughts. Even a harmless compliment can plant ideas in their head.

Yes, protect your territory but more importantly…attune your mindset.

t could all be in your mind…you know?