The Nigerian wife…

A lady who recently reached out to me on her issues claimed that she is a bit confused about the “love offer” from a U.S based guy that her friend has recently introduced her to.

According to her, he is yet to have kids with his Oyibo wife. That’s the reason he is arduously seeking a lady that he can build a home with back home.

She said that he called the arrangement “getting a NIGERIAN WIFE.’’ The other details in her message also touched on the fact that she is 34 years old, a graduate but unemployed.

She was married but went through a traumatic experience in the hands of her ex and his mother. She said that they took her to a prophetess, who labelled her a “python spirit’’ …for not being a mother, yet. And that kind of sealed the fate of her marriage…as the husband didn’t want her returning to him afterwards.

She concluded that she is considering the ‘”Nigerian wife’’ idea…if only that could get her a visa out of the hardship, here.

My response…
Let me begin by explaining the concept of a NIGERIAN WIFE by “abroad guys.’’

As a Nigerian wife, you are to stay back home. Making babies while he does the visiting…highest TWICE in a year, because the money for flight fares does not grow on trees.

It is simply not conducive for you to join him over there because that might disrupt his other life over there. And that other life is a family…most likely a wife and kids that want nothing to do with Africa!

What I have come to realise is this…

Oftentimes, when a lady has been emotionally battered or damaged, every form of attention from ANY man is entertained. She is no longer acting from her highest self, but from a point of a reduced sense of self.

Thanks to your trauma in the hands of your ex…it will take a while for your self-esteem to get back up. One of the issues dragging damaged women in vicious circles is the inability to TAKE TIME OFF and away from anything “man” to heal from their trauma.

I would expect that all your focus right now will be on FINDING YOUR FEET…economically. You don’t have to get a paid job to find your feet. You can retrain on a skill that interests you.
Your situation is not too bleak that you would even give a second thought to this man’s proposition.

I can understand if you guys just want to have FUN while he is here but there is no future in this arrangement for you. Or are you deluding yourself that he had divorce his Oyibo wife for you someday?

Hell No! Their economic survival over there is often tied to such marriages.

Please note this from today, if a man is available, you will meet him just that way…AVAILABLE. Once there are clauses, forget it, he is not available. Thus, any man that you didn’t meet available is NOT available.

This plan will NOT work…at least not in the “rosy” colour you are envisioning it. Too many issues (reality!) are at stake.

Focus more on finding your feet and healing your emotions. Stop entertaining the dark narratives about your life.

Your ex is a small-minded man and you should be kneeling in THANKFULNESS to God daily…for liberating you from that setting.

Marriage to a small-minded person is hell; they are quick to believe all sorts. You will still hear stories about his new marriage…soon.

That’s because, it is not often about the circumstances that we find ourselves in, but the mindset of the players in the circumstances.

Stay positive about life. And consider giving a good man a chance…if one comes your way. Don’t let desperation for “love” drive your decision. Get whole on your own and then learn to take a relaxed approach towards the issues of life.

Your surest bet to get a US Visa is to firstly establish yourself here. Having a child for that man won’t give you automatic Visa to the US if you are not his spouse.

Let me also chip this in; don’t let desperation to prove that you are a “whole woman” drive you into having unprotected sex recklessly. The real SORRY will be jeopardising your health over nothing.

I doubt anybody (family or friends) that would support you on this arrangement has your interest at heart.

Please get a life first. Build yourself up. It is unfortunate that this is a decision you are letting yourself even give a second thought to, when you should be relishing getting a breather from the hell hole (your former marriage) that the Almighty delivered you from.

Stop it please! You deserve better.

You can get better but…only if you do better!