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Lying… Is there a white liar within you?

By Mary Alade
23 July 2016   |   3:01 am
The whole truth… nothing but…. is we do lie. If you have just denied this and said you don’t, then you have just proved the point. The truth is that we all have lied at some stage in our lives.

lies

What is the truth?
The whole truth… nothing but…. is we do lie. If you have just denied this and said you don’t, then you have just proved the point. The truth is that we all have lied at some stage in our lives.

We say and do all sorts of things just to avoid the truth sometimes. For instance, we may not ask questions, delay or avoid altogether talking to someone because we do not want to hear their response. We lie to ourselves in a bid to feel good about the decision or choice we have made.

We find it so much easier to point fingers at others than at ourselves. For example, when we read about political and corporate scandals, hear or get told about something someone has said or done, we have made comments such as “she, he or they are liars.” Right?

No matter how we try to justify it, the truth is that if we are being honest, at some point, almost all of us lie to some degree at any level or platform.
Try consciously for one day to listen and watch yourself and I bet you’ll see and hear how often you lied in just that day alone, having been dishonest not only with others, but also with yourself.

It is not just about “those,” who make the headlines, but also you. As we point fingers and judge others, we need to recognise our own shortcomings too, and just how rampant they can be. Work on training yourself not to do so, although perhaps it is easier said than done. Research suggests that every person tells a little white lie throughout the day and every day.

We have a tendency to judge, as well as observe details of what is involved at the time and not say unsavoury or cruel things, just because it went through one’s mind, or would you now?

Lies, as we know, are problematic and can cause problems and are told for all sorts of reasons more often than not inexcusably. Sometimes you may think or believe your lie to be a tiny one, and that all you are doing is bending the truth a little…

Keeping in mind that lying usually starts with a white lie, we often justify our lies because we believe that by telling them, we are protecting the feelings of another.

For instance, “How are you today?” And you reply, “I’m fine,” but you can barely hold things together. You responded with a “little white lie” because you feel that is what is expected and besides, it is easier to put on a happy face rather than moan. We rationalise and define them as being harmless and not likely to neither become recurrent nor affect an important relationship. Many continue to tell them for the same reasons they tell other lies with similar results that can lead to a cycle of bad consequences.

Could it be because we want to show we have high moral standards? Maybe the intention is to keep someone safe or protect him or her from potential harm. We feel we do not want to hurt or perhaps embarrass the person? All well and good, but then, what lies beneath this action to some degree is a form of deviousness and manipulation, because you are probably afraid of an unwelcome, perhaps unintended, consequence of an action due to one’s own belief and feelings, and as the lies increase, they make you behave differently, depending on who you are with at the time, thereby turning you into someone you normally are not, thus believing that other people will like and admire you?

The more your lying behaviour becomes habitual, the more your life becomes a game of pretence, but you don’t even realise it because the lies become natural. You are unable to care about the lies robbing you of feelings of intimacy, including your self-confidence, thereby creating a distance between you and another because of your untruthfulness. When you lack sincerity and honesty, genuine closeness becomes practically impossible, due to this pretence you have developed in your relationships. You feel that a distance has been developed albeit intentionally or not by either party.

We condition ourselves to saying what we find easy, expected, or efficient, and the more we do so, the more we run the risk of accepting that little white lie are fine despite the dangerous consequences that can come through use.

There are times, when you may embellish and exaggerate things through believing you are the life and soul of a party or event, but keep in mind that this behaviour could back fire and work against you, leaving you the brunt of people’s gossip, hissing and eye rolling by them.

All that deceit… Are games of lies truly worth playing? Just who is truly lying to whom? Is it all worth sacrificing your intimacy, risking emotional and physical health issues?

Would you not prefer to be honest with yourself, and feel much happier and more peaceful within you? Dealing with issues honestly rather than merrily blaming someone else albeit a friend, a work colleague, the government, you’re boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse, your partner, or even the media for that matter?

Next time when you decide to tell a little white lie, ask yourself if it is truly worth it? Is it really harmless? Yes, it may save you some problems in the immediate here and now, but remember that they do add up…

Unfortunately, because we are comfortable with our own version of the truth, we take for granted that others will be fine with the modifications we make and these liberties appear to be a practice that is socially accepted.

Just a little food for thought

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