Identifying abuse In your relationship
As sweet as love is, it can turn sour. So don’t be surprised if you stop feeling butterflies in your stomach or feel like your seemingly great love life or relationship went from 100 to 0 real quick. Well, that’s life in a nutshell! Every beginning has an end; we only hope that the end doesn’t turn out to be nasty. BUT, as much we bear in mind that some things could possibly go wrong in ‘relationships’, one must also be aware that this wrong should have its limit(s).
When your regular phrases go from ‘Happiness’ – “You’re so adorable… what will I do without you… uggh! I love you, silly to ‘Depression and self-denial’ – He didn’t mean to … I upset him, that’s why… It’s just a bruise…etc., then know there’s absolutely everything wrong. No woman wants to go into a relationship that will lower her self-esteem or give scars – both physically and otherwise. However, if your partner’s behaviour suddenly becomes harsh or irrational towards you, there’s a big possibility you’re heading to (or already in) an ‘abusive relationship’.
There are certain behaviours which are signs of possible abuse in the nearest future, constant jealousy, excessively possessive as to your whereabouts, who you interact with etc, never admits to his shortcomings, isolates you from friends and almost family, he expects you to be totally submissive (i.e serve and obey him) etc.
Having known or seen these few signs, the next step is understanding what type or category of abuse your relationship falls under. Have it in mind that not every form of abuse leaves physical bruises. That stated clearly, here are five common types of abusive relationships to take note of.
Control: Abusive relationships brings to mind physical violence. Attempts to control a spouse’s behavior, friends, finances, or activities is often the first sign of an abusive situation and may be a precursor to violence. Control may be attempted by using threats, anger, or excessive criticism.
Emotional Manipulation: Another form of psychological abuse is the use of guilt, criticism, anger, or other manipulation to degrade the victim. The purpose may be simply to hurt you, or to force compliance. Your spouse may play mind-games, attack your vulnerabilities, threatens to leave or withhold affection/approval as punishment. Repeated infidelity also falls under emotionally abusive relationships.
Verbal Abuse: Constant demeaning, insulting, or humiliating comments in public or private are incredibly damaging forms of verbal abuse. This includes telling hurtful “jokes” about you despite your discomfort and requests to stop, name-calling, swearing and insults, questioning your sanity or ridiculing your opinions/desires.
Sexual Abuse: Until recently, unwanted or forced sex in a relationship or marriage was not considered “rape”. Victims of sexual abuse still face considerable stigma when coming forward with their sexually abusive relationships. Sexual abuse includes unwanted sex, withholding sex, forced engagement in any sexual activity that frightens or hurts you, refusing to practice safe sex or preventing you from using birth control or making decisions about pregnancy/abortion.
Physical Violence: If your partner has done anything to intentionally hurt you, it is critical that you remove yourself from him immediately. In addition to beating and choking, pining you down, spitting on you, abandoning you in dangerous places, driving at high speeds or toying with dangerous situations to intimidate you, refusing to help you or withholding aid when you are sick, injured or pregnant is also physical abuse.
All these are enough reasons to raise the red flag and seek immediate help! You deserve the very best, don’t wait till you’re nearly six-feet under before realising love doesn’t exist in your relationship anymore. Run, baby. Run!
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