Don’t always push it…

One was contacted when the “drama” began years back. They met in Church. About two years into their relationship, she discovered that she was pregnant…he didn’t find it funny and bluntly told her to get rid of it, as he didn’t want the baby.

She refused to terminate the pregnancy and he left her to her ordeal…this was in addition to the ugly exchanges that ensued between them, which even involved the police. Although, the police made it clear that they cannot mandate him to accept responsibility for her pregnancy, they could make him sign an undertaking that he will not lay claim to the child in the future.

Both of them are from the South East.

It was a friend of hers (from the South West), whom she met in school that stood by her, as she went through the rigours of pregnancy and finally had a baby boy.

The same guy introduced her to his folks, who immediately began to dote on the child. It would seem he even sold his folks the impression of being responsible for the baby’s emergence. I am convinced so because the kind of care and support they offered her is divine.

I am actually struggling to restrain myself from putting down (here) the many sweet names that they showered on the baby. I remember when she had to write exams and the guy’s mum and sisters would offer to mind the baby… this they did with so much joy. Sometimes, she is even asked to take her time in coming for the baby, just so they could spend more time with him.

They are about getting married now and I hear the first guy is back (with his folks)…asking for a second chance. Yes, you read me right!

Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine some people’s gut at “showing face’’ and that crude sense of entitlement…after they have screwed up their chances with one! I mean this was a guy who practically threw her under the bus without looking back! Anyway, I hear our lady has sworn that she would rather die than separate a child from the man, that he has come to know as DADDY…yet some human beings claim she is over-reacting.

There is something that a lot of us should understand. When you hurt somebody and have realised your mistakes, it’s OK to seek forgiveness but once you tender your apology, please GO AWAY-especially when you realise that the other party has moved on!

It’s not just ignorant but also MEAN to push for things to be “as before” with someone who has clearly moved on. Worse is when you begin to make moves for that person who has stood by the very person you hurt so badly to be dumped, just because you have re-appeared in the picture. To make amends doesn’t always mean the relationship has to be “as before.”

You make amends so that ill feelings are placated…for one who is plagued with guilt to find peace within. If you feel compelled enough to seek the forgiveness of “whoever” you have hurt in the past, do just that and move over. Don’t start pushing for more, as that’s enough to rubbish even the most genuine efforts that you have made at seeking forgiveness. What makes you think that person is still where you left them?

A reconciliation can open doors for “deeper involvements”, I agree, but it is not something you push. Give the other party not just time but also some SPACE to think things through. And if your expectations are dashed…leave it alone and move on, too.

Take the lesson of such a loss with you and behave better with the next person you meet. That (behaving better next time) could be all that life is trying to teach you and not really to take back the hands of the clock.

I shared this story on social media recently and some friends made these thought-provoking inputs…

“Genuine repentance is rare. Forgive and move on but do not create another opportunity to be hurt again.’’

“If one is good-natured, he will also accept some responsibility for his actions.’’

“Every human heart has a line known as “the boundary of no return.” Once we hurt anyone beyond that boundary, it is all over.’’