Diary of a Bored Housewife

Dear Diary,
Oh joy!…it’s the last Sunday of the month, and even you knows what that means – dinner at the Kensington Villa! I didn’t get lucky this month, the Duchess was very much in town and her fangs were out in full display. After today’s episode I fully appreciate why the whole town refers to TK’s mother as THE DUCHESS. At 67, she looks 50 and has the energy level too! Today she was so impeccably dressed I couldn’t help staring at her for most of the night. She had so much bling on we should have just turned off all the lights and gathered around her so she could pronounce her blessings on us! I am sure she would have liked that. Okay, let me stop hating, but seriously, on anyone else that much jewelry would have looked ridiculous but on her, it looked quite regal.

Anyways, as usual there was” Kessington Komotion” at the Villa and here’s how it all went down: As always, Sunday dinners at TK’s parent’s starts at 6pm (but ever since they opened the Lekki-Ikoyi toll, TK has become convinced that the drive from our house in Lekki Phase 1 to Kessington Villa in Park View Ikoyi only takes five minutes!). Right after church, he dropped Oladunni and I at home and told us he had “a quick meeting” to dash to. TK had been chatting on his BB in church so I wasn’t surprised. I sent him a BB message to ask what he wanted for lunch. He read it and didn’t respond…I really hate it when he does that. I didn’t bother calling or sending him anymore messages, the thought of going to dinner tonight with his family is enough stress for me already. True to form, TK rolled up to the driveway at 5.55pm to pick Oladunni and I up for the dreaded dinner.

When we arrived at the villa at 6.20pm, sure enough everyone was already there! TK’s parents, his brother Tomiwa and his lovely wife Adaobi , and of course Tomike (my sister-in-law from hell). They were all at the table waiting for us. Hmmm… Dear Diary, did I tell you Tomike has moved back to Nigeria? Yes indeed she has! … And she’s is in the middle of her second divorce at 32! Na wa for that girl!! Anyway…as I handed Oladunni to Iya Bade – the housekeeper, I heard TK’s mum’s high pitched voice from the dining table, “Wow!, look who decided to join us after all”. I greeted her and everyone else at the table and took my seat next to TK who promptly replied, “It was my fault mum. So what’s for dinner? I’m famished! I haven’t had a decent meal all day!” I wanted so badly to pinch him just then! Can you imagine him saying that in front of his mother!!!

“Ah ah… Anjola what were you doing all day that was more important than feeding your husband? Abi?!, it’s not like you have any other priority these days apart from your occasional trips abroad” the Duchess said. I don’t understand why the woman still thinks I am a gold digger unworthy of her son after all these years. I was about to ask her what she meant but then I remembered I still liked being a Kensington so I simply replied “He was out all day Ma, I had lunch waiting”. Of course she had a comeback … you know she always does.

“Perhaps he wasn’t convinced of what he was coming home to. Anyway time to eat, I know how to take care of my boys” she said as she rang the bell for the steward. It was only TK who responded and his response was “Amen to that”!
Dear Diary, you know I think somewhere in TK’s wobbly head he thinks his mum’s jabs at me are cute! … but trust me, I’ll get him back.

After dinner, we were all out on the foyer having drinks when the real “Kensington Komotion” started. The Duchess had Oladunni on her lap, Tomiwa and TK’s dad were at the doorway arguing about politics, and of course TK was sitting beside his mother! He is such a mommy’s boy it’s shameful! Adaobi and I were trying to get her twins to settle down so they could sleep. I really like Ada she knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast when the Duchess is around with her larger than life personality. I was just waiting for TK’s cue that it was time to go when the Duchess launched her attack at me… “Anjolaoluwa, I hear its taking you quite some time to get pregnant again, which is quite odd considering how “easily” you got pregnant with Oladunni. Adetokunbo told me you two have been trying to give Oladunni a little brother”. Can you see why I think TK deliberately sets me up with his mother? This man knows no boundaries when it comes to the Duchess! What’s her business in our family planning now …eh? Sometimes I wonder if he would have married me if I wasn’t… Anyway. . . . …by now every Kensington in the room was staring at me with eyes that said “inquiring minds want to know…” So I responded with a meek

“No cause for alarm ma. It will happen soon.” The Duchess pounced on me again “You bet it would, because you have an appointment with Dr Adebayo on Tuesday and I am coming with you.”

Na wah o…Dear Diary is it now a legal requirement for Mother- in-laws to accompany their son’s wives for gyne ??? appointments? I didn’t respond because I was too nervous to but I found my tongue in the car on our way back home. TK and I fought all the way home. He accused me of being defensive and always undermining his mother’s efforts to be nice to me. I argued that she is the cause of eight out of every ten fights we have. He called me selfish and ungrateful and then he zoomed off immediately he dropped us off and hasn’t returned home since even though it’s almost midnight now.

What am I going to do? What if the doctor finds out I have been on the pill all this time? This is really bad. I am so scared of having another child and dear diary only you and I know why. I wish I never asked Adaobi what that last clause in the pre-nup we signed before we married into the Kessington family meant. Apparently, the clause implies that in the event of a divorce we (the wives) forfeit custody of all children conceived during the marriage, fortunately Oladunni was conceived outside marriage and this why TK’s mum hates me (for “trapping” her son as she puts it). Fortunately this is my only bargaining chip because honestly sometimes I don’t know how much longer I can cope with the highs and lows of being a Kensington Wife.

Dear Diary, I am too tired to wonder where he is, too tired to ask my husband to come home to his family at midnight, too tired to wish his mother would just accept me, too tired to cry, too tired to wish I could do something more with my life, too tired to wonder if he is with another woman. I’m off to bed to get some rest and then in the morning I can figure out how to get out of this trap his mother is setting for me. Whenever people tell me I’m lucky to have this life I just smile… Apparently, it’s never obvious when there’s trouble in paradise.