Dear men

The message below is a man’s experiences with his young wife. “I came home from an outing one night and found my gate locked. Series of calls to my wife were futile because she switched off her phone.

Thankfully, the friend that came to drop me off was still with me when all these were happening and he offered to take me to his place to pass the night.

By the next morning when I got home, my wife had no tangible explanation for her action besides the claim that she slept off. A lot has since been happening and I’m wondering what’s come over my wife. It’s like nothing I do is ever enough for her. I am seeing so much ingratitude in her that is difficult to deal with.

Honestly, I am currently considering relocating to my hometown and just visiting her and the kids in the city every now and then. I don’t understand her anymore and the new attitude is stressing me out. I have a flexible source of livelihood (businesses) that I can control from anywhere. I just need my peace.

I’m giving her 150K monthly just for our food and to take care of herself, yet she keeps complaining endlessly that the money is not enough for her.

Last week, her mother even came to lay the same complaint to me that I’m not giving her daughter enough money. These comments are making me wonder if it’s the mum that is controlling her. And I am wondering if I should just call the woman to order or just give my wife some space.

Maybe a little bit of distance will rejuvenate the marriage? If I say I am not confused right now, I would be telling you a lie.

I was very open and straightforward with her from the beginning and never bragged or falsely presented myself if anything I underplayed my worth to her before marriage, but I think I have spoiled her so much that she thinks she can have whatever she wants; including hiring a driver without even consulting me!

I don’t know if she will come to her senses when I start dismantling all her privileges one by one. Even the driver comes and stays days in a row without taking her anywhere. Please let me know your views on these issues. My woman is a graduate, but a housewife at the moment. She is in her late 20s. I am in my 50s.”

From Oby
This is one of the disadvantages of having stayed single (before a remarriage) for long. Any strain in the marriage, you begin to yearn for your freedom, which is why you are already looking for where to run. Sadly, peace is never there if the issues straining the relationship are not addressed.

However, anybody who doesn’t work for the money they receive should learn to appreciate first, before pointing out inadequacies.

You should realise that most girls that say ‘YES’ too much older guys do so with one thing on the mind; limitless access to a life of comfort and cash. It’s the only thing that makes it worth their while, actually.

So, it becomes a problem when the cash flow isn’t even increasing and responsibilities are mounting. They find it an uphill task to adjust to accommodate economic realities.

You can only let her in on the true picture of things (if for example, business isn’t doing as well as before) and continue to do your best. When you are trying your best for a woman, entertain no fears about losing her. If she decides to look out there, she will no longer fit in because you have made life EASY for her.

Another thing you can do for your woman is to establish a business for her or something (that she is passionate about), not so much for the profits but for the purpose of engaging her mind (and interacting with the outside world) more. You can also encourage her to go back to school.

Dear Men, it is not always to your advantage that a woman stays idle. She (especially if hyper) needs an avenue to dissipate some energy.

The issue with ‘them smallies’ is that thoughtfulness is not their strongest attribute; they are highly entitled. But with you, maturity SHOULD win.

How much of your marital responsibility you can effectively accomplish from a distance is lost on me. Try and point her towards marriage counseling. It is most likely that the only thing she knows about marriage are the habits she picked from the mother.

TALK to your wife, instead. And put your feet down where necessary. Honestly, it should not always take the twilight zone of life for men to realise that there is more to marriage than a young body.