Challenges of a young marriage

A lady reached out to me on her issues. Our exchanges are below… “ I lost my baby on May 2nd. The problem is that my husband has just got his visa and would be leaving the country very soon.

The visa is for two years and he is not likely to come home in those two years, he wishes to stay back there and sort out his economic situation-before coming home at the expiration of his visa.

“Right now I feel like quitting the marriage. I really want a baby but he has refused listening to my pleas and suggestions that he stays back for another three months (before leaving) as we try for another baby.

Now that he has to be away for a few years, does it mean I have to keep waiting until whenever he comes back for me to try for a baby?

“I really miss my (deceased) son so much.

“A man of God has told me that what happened to me was spiritual. He advised that I buy some items worth about 15K for my deliverance, but my husband has refused to entertain the man’s opinion. My husband says that our baby died because of the doctor’s carelessness. I am 22 years old and my husband is 35 years old. I do not work at the moment. Thank you.’’

FROM OBY…

I really am so sorry about your loss. Be consoled. You will be blessed with many more children in God’s time.

CALM DOWN…give yourself time to heal. Then, you can think clearly about what you want.

I am not happy that your husband can’t spare a few months (like you begged him) to be by your side at this period.

Not really to make any baby…your body needs to HEAL before you even go there. He should know that you need him more than anything else now. Does it mean that if the baby survived…he would have rushed off like that? What makes him think abandoning you like this will fetch him good fortunes wherever he is headed?

I understand that the loss of your baby must have not been easy on your husband, too. Maybe that’s even why he is so eager to get away. We all handle our pains differently.

I don’t agree with the fellow you called A MAN OF GOD. You have no spiritual problem and certainly need no deliverance from anybody. A genuine pastor will take it upon himself to counsel or pray for you…WITHOUT asking for a dime.

Grieve the loss of your son but find the strength to pull yourself together. Since your husband has made up his mind to travel, wish him well. Concentrate on pulling yourself together to heal from your loss. When you are in a stable state of mind…you can then decide what you really want.

Two years from now is long, but not too long that you can’t make the sacrifice for your marriage.

You will probably be 24+ years, by then. I only hope he returns as he said or at least comes back and take you with him, because most of them get there and end up staying longer than envisaged.

And, in that case, I won’t advise you to keep waiting for him. You get your folks to return whatever bride price he paid on your head and move on with your life.

You should also make this clear to him and his people…in the presence of parents from both sides.

Tell him that you are willing to do the ‘two-year wait’…if that will improve your economic lot and give stability to your marriage but, after two years and he is nowhere to be found…then, it will be time for you to move on with your life.

My own frank suggestion is this…

The ‘two years wait’ won’t be a walk in the park. Your emotions will be tasked a great deal…same as your need for physical intimacy. But it is not an insurmountable challenge.

Just ensure you use the period of his absence to improve yourself…as much as possible. Are you a graduate?

If not…then, it is time to go back to school. You can also go for further studies-if you are a graduate.

Or learn some skills, start a business or look for a job. What are your passions? Can you improve on those and begin to make a living from such? You have to sit down to really think.

This man MUST NOT come back and meet you at the exact spot that he left you. Let him come back and meet a much more improved woman…such that if there is ever a need for you to move on with your life…another man will be meeting you NOT as an idle/uneducated lady, again!