Recovering After He Has Cheated

By kemi Amushan |   17 July 2015   |   11:16 pm  

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Did your ex cheat on you and left you feeling devastated? Is Anger, resentment, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling of betrayal taking over your life? Do you feel defeated, and at times do you even have difficulty accepting that it happened. Do you constantly find yourself replaying the events of that relationship over and over again in your head, looking for more signs and struggling with the signs that you never acknowledged. But what’s done is done, it’s over, and yet here you stand, still gripping tightly onto those feelings of anger and bitter resentment.

And then you ask yourself, ‘when is it time to let go’? When do you give yourself permission to heal? It’s incredibly difficult to end a relationship due to a trail of lies. It’s like a huge slap in the face. One that many of us don’t see coming, or were too busy living in denial to see. But guess what? It happened. No amount of anger, resentment, or replaying the experience will change the fact that it actually happened.

So where do you go from here? The way I see it, is that you have 2 choices: Either you dwell in the past or Forgive and move forward. The choices are simple to state yet difficult to choose. I know because I’ve been there. I found myself caught in a web of lies, drowning in a sea of betrayal. I get it because I’ve lived it. The pain, the wounds, the deception…feeling like you’ll never be able to trust again… it’s not an experience I ever wish to relive. You get caught up in wanting to know why and how, obsessing over how it could have happened.

Now how do you move forward from something like that? Let me tell you how. You have to be able to accept, come to terms with it. You’ve got to acknowledge that it did happen and then accept it. What’s done is done. Nothing you can say or do will ever change that. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you agree with the cheating, it simply means that the situation was real. Why dwell in the “why’s” when you can accept the situation and grow from it? It’s natural to feel like a victim, singing the old “Why me?” tune. But where does that get you? Nowhere. In order to heal, you’ve got to ask yourself the right questions. Instead of “Why me?” ask yourself “Why did I allow this?” Powerful, right? When I asked myself that question, I felt my heart sink. I asked myself why I allowed myself to be treated that way.

You can lie and tell yourself that there were zero signs, but the truth is there are usually signs. We just become blinded by our own ignorant bliss. I allowed the cheating to occur in my relationship and I chose to stay until it became all too apparent. This was all due to my low self-worth. The longer I stayed in that relationship, the lower my self-worth dipped. It was through this realization that I was able to finally begin healing and build on my self-love.

Don’t become a prisoner of your past by holding on to feelings of anger and resentment. Let that go! Accept, forgive, and move forward. Forgiveness does not condone your ex’s behavior, but it does release you from your past. Forgiveness gives you the freedom to move forward and really feel gratitude for the lessons within that relationship.

What did I learn from that experience? I learned that self-love is key in attracting and maintaining healthy relationships, and for that, I am truly grateful to my ex. He didn’t break me down, he inspired me to build myself up.

It’s time for you to let go of the past. It’s time for you to be open to new, healthy relationships. But none of this can happen until you accept, forgive, and give yourself permission to move forward. Don’t dwell in the victim mentality. Own your experiences and learn from them. Take the focus off your ex and shift it back onto you. When you begin to focus on you and accept your part in this, you’ll begin to uncover life-changing lessons. After all, don’t you deserve to move forward?
To our happiness. Cheers.

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