Loving Yourself First

By Kemi Amushan   |   13 November 2015   |   11:00 pm  

self-esteem-picMOST people lack self-confidence and when you don’t have self-confidence, there’s no way you can value yourself. When you value the person you are, you treat yourself well, and refuse to let others treat you in ways that deny your own dreams. When you value yourself, you will…
*Treat yourself like your own best friend.
*Understand life’s failures or disappointments as ordinary learning opportunities.
*Practice self-mindfulness – check in with your feelings, desires, and goals every day.

But these could be tough especially when you’re immersed in the excitement and drama of a new relationship?  Let me ask you a quick question. In the heady fizz of a fresh attraction, do you lose sight of what you really want? Or are you able to value yourself enough that you don’t compromise your dreams?

I read sometime back of a lady that worked with this guy for years (no attraction whatsoever and she thought he was a bit of a player) but she had this dream about him a year ago and decided to tell him. She knew he was single so she thought why not? Sure enough he loved the idea of her now liking him. They sent a few cheeky emails and spent a few nights together, but she had feelings and he wasn’t sharing anything so she called it a day. Then he said he had something to tell her, that he shared a car with his ex and they hung out sometimes. She now told him maybe they should consider getting back together if they still shared their time and left it at that. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious but he liked this lady and told her if she was willing to hook up, she shouldn’t hesitate to call on him. Then he moved back in with his ex out of convenience but still wanted her attention.

She told him that they were not really friends but he kept on sending her texts. She told him that if he ever wanted to share or be honest about things, that she’ll be happy to chat but otherwise he shouldn’t ever contact her. She was kind of feeling bad if she did the right thing by telling him that. She just couldn’t bear the thought of being some girl he texts when he is bored! 

This woman was too smart i tell you. I love such brave women that don’t take the bullshit most men offer. She got it right on point. Some men just like to waste a woman’s time. Stringing her along and dumping her at the last minute or keep using her or calling her when it’s convenient for them. Here’s why I think she was right on target here, because I know there are other women who have been in the same situation.

The truth is…
1. It’s painful to be someone’s “on the side” girlfriend: The guy had already shown that he hasn’t really ended it with his ex. They share a car and now they live together again. Clearly she has most of his time and attention, and anyone else he develops a relationship with is going to come second (or third, or fourth, or whatever).
2. You know what you want in a relationship: And it isn’t to be “some girl he texts when he’s bored.” who in the world aspires to be that? Absolutely no one. And if you are in that position and situation, better give that guy the boot. Valuing yourself means keeping clear sight of your goals, and you’re doing that that kicking him to the curb.
3. Players play: she mentioned the fact that she suspected earlier on that he was a bit of a player. In fact, he even told her he wasn’t looking for “anything serious.” If he’s a player who is living with his ex, his efforts to keep in touch with you feels to me like “but it would be great to have a bootie call now and then.” And unless you’re interested in the same, you should steer clear. Which she eventually did. Thank God for that.
4. She communicated reasonably well: Not only did she figure out that he was still attached at the hip to his ex, she speculated that he might go back to her and she was darn right. Now, there may still be something between them, or it may be purely practical (meaning she’s willing to have him as a roomie because it’s easier than finding a new one). Either way, he doesn’t want anything serious and he isn’t in a good place (i.e., living with his ex) to start anything serious.it was clear that she definitely wanted more than what the guy was offering her. That’s a smart woman.
5. She clearly values herself: Sometimes we have such low self-esteem that we’re desperate for a little male attention – no matter what kind it is. Some women get trapped in abusive relationships this way. And even if it’s *not* abusive in any way, it still may not be the kind of attention we were looking for.

There are plenty of guys who are interested in sex only, and there are women who are willing to give it to them. But when you have one partner who is interested in sex, and the other wants more than that but has low self -esteem and therefore is willing to give sex in return for at least a little attention – then you have a mess. I hope that’s not you, because it’s a miserable, dream-killing place to be.



You may also like