Mother Theresa Merkel. Can I come to Germany? I’m coming from Nigeria. I know I don’t fit the profile of your recent arrivals. There is no war in my country. Well, actually, there is but it is localised and I am not affected. However, I can claim to be affected like all the Syrians, Iraqs’ and afgans. This way, I can claim refugee status and get all the benefits.

I hear you are handing out Euros at the border crossing. That is the reason I’m coming. Don’t worry, I’ll fly myself in.