21 strategies to overcome marital delay – Part 1
We started looking at this topic a few weeks ago, and we thank God for all the response and questions from readers. We encourage you to continue to send your questions, observations to us.
We have talked about the need for you to overcome tribalism and discrimination. Secondly, we have talked about the fact that you must learn to quit a wrong relationship on time. Today, we are talking about responsibility, jealousy and the need for you to overcome the tendencies to be jealous or over possessive.
One of the greatest problems we have in our generation is that of irresponsibility. We would rather transfer blames to others or something else or give excuses than to accept responsibility. It causes delay in every area of our lives. God cannot continue to promote anyone, who remains irresponsible. Every promotion, position and appointment confers greater responsibilities on us. The truth is that, many love the position, the titles and the authority, but they run away from the responsibility.
Somebody said, “Responsibility is the price of greatness.” Nothing perpetuates stagnation or setback as irresponsibility. We need to become responsible, if we must truly move forward in life. So many people want to get married, but the question is: Are they prepared for the responsibility? There are many who are married today, who used to be very eager and excited about marriage before they got married, but after getting married and having children, such people began to see their responsibilities as pressures.
The first thing God gave Adam in the Garden of Eden was not a wife, but responsibility. Adam was given a job to do, to maintain and manage the garden. So many people erroneously think that the fall of Adam is the reason why we work today. But that is far from the truth, or else our redemption by the blood of Jesus would have saved us from going to work now. Also, we discover that in God’s order of priority, work comes before marriage. Until you become a responsible person, you are not set for a successful marriage or life.
Before we explain what responsibility is, it is good to give the definition of irresponsibility as defined by Dr. Myles Munroe (of blessed memory) “To be irresponsible means you are not answerable to authority, lacking a sense of accountability, thoughtless, undependable, unreliable, careless, loose, immoral, unpredictable, no commitment to anybody, wild, untrustworthy, or to transfer blames.”
The truth of the situation in our generation is that many are running away from marriage because of the commitments. Some are merely looking for free sex, but they do not like the commitments. But ladies must know they are worth more than that. When you allow a man to have sex with you without the commitment of marriage, you simply cheapen yourself for the man to use you and dump you. Love is not a mere feeling, love is a choice and love is commitments. If he truly loves you, let him get committed, by taking you to the altar.
To be responsible, therefore, means to be committed, to be accountable, to be answerable for our actions, to refuse to transfer blames or give excuses and to accept obligations. Just like Jesus Christ, our perfect example said in John 9:4 “I must work the works of Him that sent me.” We must also accept obligations or duties and be ready to perform them. Nothing gets done, until it becomes a must. We must stop the blame game that started right from the Garden of Eden with Adam, who blamed his wife Eve and Eve in turn blamed the serpent. We must accept full responsibility for our actions and our behaivours.
According to John Mason, “A man who have mastered the art of manufacturing excuses will not be able to manufacture anything else.” To give excuse is to accuse yourself. So many people today blame parents for their harvests, we blame teachers for our ignorance, and we blame cancer on the tobacco company. We blame government for our unemployment, even though we could get something to do by ourselves. The Bible says, whatever our hands find to do, we should do it with all our might (Eccl 9:10).
So many women blame their depression on their husbands and some men sometimes blame their waywardness on their wives. Black men blame the Whites for their predicaments, the poor blame the rich for their poverty and suffering, criminals blame the society for their own behaivours and the sinner blames the hypocritical preacher for his damnation. A pastor was found with a charm, but he blamed the church for the sin. God expected Adam to be responsible. Unfortunately, Adam lost the garden to mismanagement. If you are not set for responsibility, there is the tendency for you to mismanage the relationship, and whatever you mismanage will certainly be taken away from you.
Another very important aspect of responsibility is making your marriage work. Until you are prepared for responsibility, your marriage cannot work. Please understand that marriage does not work by itself, you have to make it work. Responsibility is responding to the demands of your desires and expectations. Shun the Doris Day Doctrine “Que sera sera” that is “What will be will be” and embrace the saying of the Earl of Nightingale “If it will be, it is up to me.” While some people think God has delayed them from having wives and husbands, the truth is that God has been waiting for them to grow up and become responsible before He presents the right people to them. Before you think of marrying, please ensure that you are ready to embrace responsibility with joy and excitements. You must not see your responsibility as a burden. Especially if you are a man, you need to know that marriage is all about responsibility.
Please contact us and let us know if this has blessed you in any way. You can also forward your questions to us.
Rev. (Barrister) Solomon Ojigiri(The Senior Pastor), Everwinning Faith Ministries int’l 31, Oritse Str. Off Obafemi Awolowo way, Balogun Bus-stop, Ikeja
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