What Makes A Man Commit
I asked a male friend of mine and he shared with me this short story. Tolu had recently broken up with a woman he had been dating for a few months.
He was frustrated because all of the relationships he got into seemed to be superficial and fleeting. They did not last, and he did not really enjoy them.
He was starting to think that being in a relationship was not really worth it. So then one day, he came upon a realisation, something that changed the way he looked at how to create and build a relationship.
He said it was something that seemed so simple, yet it had never even occurred to him before. He said the formula for commitment has one powerful ingredient.
Then, he digressed by telling me a bit about his childhood. While growing up, he never knew how to talk to women. He had one girlfriend before the age of 21 and she cheated on him with a close friend of his.
He felt alone and frustrated and was determined to figure this stuff out. He read books, attended seminars and even got some counsellor to guide him.
He said he learned it all. And it did not take long before he could meet a woman anywhere and create a relationship with her. He got so good that most, if not all of his friends, started coming to him for advice and he eventually became a coach.
But he had a problem: none of his relationships would last. Everything he learned was about playing games, manipulation and pretending like he was someone he was not.
He could not take it anymore. No matter how many women he met, he always ended up in a miserable relationship that eventually ended in frustration and heartbreak. No matter how many women he did meet and date, he always just felt empty inside.
Then he began drinking heavily to numb the pain of his disappointment. With everything he learned, he felt like he had not really accomplished anything. His life seemed to be plagued with chasing short-term satisfaction and nothing to show for it.
So one day, he got together with some other friends of his and they realised that many of the guys using the kind of techniques he used in getting girls could not stay in relationships.
They just did not last. Some of the guys ended up in great relationships, but most of them did not. So, they decided to look at the ones that worked. What was different about them? What were the patterns, the key elements that made these relationships last? Alignment.
The people who were successful were aligned. It was not just compatibility. It was not just shared interests. It was not just chemistry. While those things are important, the most important factor was alignment, which is the biggest key to commitment.
If you want a man to think of you as someone he can get into a committed relationship with, he needs to be able to see you as someone he can be with in the distant future. He needs to see you as “marriage material.”
He needs to see that his life and values align with yours. If you do not align with a man’s life, he will never see you as anything more than a casual fling.
So, how do you do this? You need to find out what his dreams are in life and consistently show him that you see him becoming the man he wants to be in the future. Do this and he will begin to see you as someone he could commit to forever.
It is that simple. To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers!