Should You Take Over A Troubled Relationship?

PHOTO: www.capitalfm.co.ke

PHOTO: www.capitalfm.co.ke

“I WOULDN’T. Definitely not”, declares my long time friend, Helen. “The lesson we learn early in life”, she continues.

“I still remember these neighbours when I was fourteen-years-old. They were a young Army officer and his pretty wife. He was a Captain, so we called by his official rank and called his wife Mama Edith because of their baby daughter who was named Edith.

“The man was ravishingly handsome and I think his stern appearance made irresistible and he was a sight to behold in his smart uniform. But his stern appearance made it difficult to want to go near Captain even if I must confess that not few of the girls in our area would have wanted more than a casual greeting with him; there was Mama Edith as his wife; we knew this and respected the couple even if we were aware that the older girls would have damned any consequence if the opportunity had presented itself to befriend Captain, married or not. A few said that they refused to call him Baba Edith because they could not agree that he was married not to talk that he was a father. But his wife was there and young and beautiful.

“The problem, however was that they fought too much-I never knew why because they were certainly close. They shared a bath-we knew that much. So we suspected that constant quarrel concerned other women. Edith, their first and only daughter before they were transferred was born in our in our compound. When she was born, her mother travelled home with the new baby but she stayed for so long that people began to say that all that fight had caused them to break up.

“We never saw the Captain with another woman though. But it was not so long she left that rumour circulated that the Landlord’s daughter had practically moved into the Captain’s flat. We did not see her but it would not be a lie because the entrance to the captain’s apartment was near their own. But the older women condemned the attitude and said that if it was happened that the girl’s mother ought to know and scold her daughter.

“And then, just as quietly as she left or “travelled”, Mama Edith came back. We were the closest in the compound; my younger especially liked babies and helped her look after Edith. My mother liked her a lot because she was gentle; she praised her no end because she was already managing her own home when she was barely out of the teenage so her favorite saying to us was; “Look at Mama Edith, she is not older than you and she knows the importance of not wasting food.

“It was confusing therefore when Mama Edith confirmed that the Landlord’s daughter had been busy with her husband while she was away. She was not angry as she said it; she only laughed. Before she told me, I had noticed the hostility between the two of them; before her journey, the two of them had been very close, so close that it was the landlord’s daughter who thought her the local language-they are from Edo State. So I had been surprised that the girl would avert her eyes or released a long hiss when she saw the other woman. Sometimes, she stomped aggressively passed, if Mama Edith was discussing with another person. But Mama Edith would only chuckle or give her a contemptuous look.

“But how did you who were in Edo State know what happened in Delta? I asked her. “Baba Edith told me everything”, she said with a laugh. Nobody would have dared to incur the Captain’s wrath by meddling in his marriage, I am sure about that.
“He told her the girl spent nights in his bed, and then she said that she could never see that girl as a rival; I did not either-the girl was stocky-built and her general behavior was crude. But the girl had told her friends that the couple fought because he did not love her; her mother thought so too”.

With this story, I am wondering if we should date someone who is in an unhappy relationship or marry him or her before they part. But I think that it has to be approached with caution. Before we go to the rescue, I think that the first question to ask ourselves is why they are not happy; think seriously about it, but I would say that whatever the answer you get that you may not be happy in that relationship.

We should remember that fights do not always lead to a break- up. A third party may be the loser if he goes between them without being asked; the one who commences an affair with the hope that they would divorce may be in for a big disappointment.

Our advice is to leave two people in a troubled relationship to sort their issues on their own. No serious person would wait until she meets another person before she would leave an unhappy relationship.



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