Red Flags Of Getting Married Early

marriage-CopyYOUNG adults are not the sole owners of these type of mistakes. Anyone inexperienced in dating, regardless of the number of candles on their cake, is likely to commit these sins. These red flags are the most common ones:

They Don’t Know How to Pick Their Battles
You know how it’s normal for little children to create petty fights over having control of something like the remote control for the dstv like my nieces do or to be so emotionally immature that they act on their first emotional responses to everything? Unfortunately, many of us don’t actually grow out of this until well into adulthood. Twenty-somethings are notorious for fighting arrogantly over every difference of opinion, because they are usually still fighting for respect and autonomy from their parents and society, so they feel the need to prove themselves.

It’s a crucial step toward emotional maturity learning how to recognize what you’re feeling as you feel it, taking a step back to consider how to respond to it, and to decide whether it’s worth fighting about or even bringing up to your mate. Here’s a personal story from a close friend of mine that exemplifies this well. Her name is Shade.

Shade’s hubby is a wonderful man who doesn’t have an ice age perception or views about gender roles, so he does his share of household chores, like laundry etc. However, he’s less fussy about how they get done, so he’s likely to toss all the clothes together without sorting by colour or type.

One particular afternoon, Shade was putting away the clothes he had washed and discovered her sexy black mini skirt had shrunk to epically mini proportions. Let’s just say, only a 9 year old could wear it now. Her immediate emotional response was frustration. She said she wanted to march into the other room, hold the skirt in the air, and snap “See why it’s important to separate your clothes and read labels! This should’ve been washed in cold water and air dried!”

That’s what a twenty-something old Shade would’ve done, which would’ve predictably provoked my man to get defensive because he would’ve felt attacked. What she did instead was take a step back to examine her feelings, and she realized that she was thrilled to be married to a man who doesn’t expect his wife to be his maid, and that it wasn’t worth getting angry about a replaceable piece of fabric. So she went into the other room, showed him the skirt, and joked “Well, this skirt is probably out of style now anyway.” He immediately apologized and offered to get her a new one. No quarrel ensued, no contempt, no bad moods resulted. Simple.

They Go Running to Friends and Parents Whenever They Have a Fight
Twenty-somethings haven’t learned yet that if they want to be taken seriously as adults, they need to solve their relationship issues on their own (barring help for domestic violence, etc). Independent, mature couples know that to spill all of their quibbles and quarrels to their loved ones only invites judgment, and can sometimes give them a skewed view of your relationship. If you’re usually only talking about your man when things go wrong, they will see the two of you only in a negative light. It’s important to develop healthy new boundaries with others as a couple.
They Create Scenarios to Make Their Significant Other Jealous, Sabotaging the Relationship Because They Enjoy the Ego Boost

She flirts too much with the hot guy at the bar, he hugs his co-worker too often and begins a friendship with her, she talks too much about her ex, he cheats to remind her that he’s still attractive. All of this unnecessary drama erodes trust, leads to insecurity, and is one of the primary reasons for red flag number 2 above. Of course you’re going to run to other people all the time when you’re with someone whose manipulative, confusing behaviour needs to be deciphered! Plus, you need to hear someone remind you that you’re not crazy.

To our happiness. Cheers.



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