Marriage: For Adults Alone

I GOT the question below from a follower on social media:

“Aunty Amara, please, I need a sincere answer to this question. I don’t know if u would reply me privately. Who comes first in a man’s life- his wife or mum?

“My husband prefers going to report me to the mum whenever I make a mistake rather than talking to me about it privately.

“This is killing me, he’d rather go with her than with me; we live in d same compound with her.”

Dear Sender, I decided to publish this and educate the public more because a lot of people go through this.

A good number of married men and women are in this mess. The surprising thing here is that mothers are often the guilty ones. I keep wondering why father’s don’t disturb their children’s spouses, it’s always women causing commotion all over.

We are young mothers and wives today, unhappy with the very treatments we get from mothers-in-law, but instead of taking a stand against it, we turn out exactly like them towards our daughters-in-law, the cycle continues.

You will see a woman complain against her sister-in-law who is after her, but look deeper, you would find this same woman being mean to her brother’s wife. Like a male friend says, the world will get better the very day women say so.

The worst thing that can happen to any man or woman in marriage is being in it with a mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl. It simply tells you that you are married to a boy or a girl.

Marriage is about LEAVING and CLEAVING. You cannot make a good spouse when you are still tied to your parents’ apron. A man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one, so says the Holy Scriptures.

Man or woman, It’s your duty to take care of your parents and show them love, there is no debating this issue because this mandate is divine and comes with blessings if obeyed and curses if broken. But your marriage remains, strictly, your business and no interference should be allowed.

When you have issues with your spouse and you report him or her to your people, your marriage is headed for the rocks and even if it lasts, your relatives won’t accept your spouse the way they should.

You will eventually forgive and forget the offense, but your relatives will never forgive your spouse in truth.

If there are people to talk to when you have issues, it should be professional counselors, elderly people who are not related to you in any way and who because they have nothing to gain from you, would speak without sentiments.

Your religious leaders are also there, but you must be careful because what is happening now is that a good number find it difficult keeping their members’ secrets and they often counsel from the spiritual angle, ignoring the practicability of such.

Grow up, be a man, be a woman. And for those yet to get into it, better stay away from those overgrown babies who still suck breasts.

Man or woman, when it’s your mother-in-law deciding on your wedding colours and what you should wear, it’s an early warning sign.

When you see his sisters running his life and walking in and out of his room with no regard for you during your visit, it’s a warning sign telling you that those overgrown babies will run your world.

If you visit your fiancé’s place and you see her mother not giving the husband a breathing space, trying to have her final say in everything, even when it’s men’s talk, you are looking at a woman who will come to rule your home.

If you don’t want the heat, simply get out of the kitchen early enough. If you must stay in that kitchen, don’t complain about the heat because you entered the kitchen with your two eyes wide open.

Hey; don’t marry a wife for your mother and sisters who are old enough to be your wife’s aunties, but are unmarried.

You should be able to provide shelter without your mother’s intrusion. Every woman wants to own and run her home.

If you can’t provide shelter to a woman, why take her out of her father’s house? Yes, situations can turn around, but be a man from the onset, that would help her understand and adjust if things turn around.

But if from day one, you throw her into wilderness of life, she’s better off single.

Wait until you can provide shelter for yourself, that’s how we know that you are a man and ready to face life without mummy and daddy.

Sender, you are already in it, just find a way around it. Pray about it and tell God that He ordained marriage and you are to be the closest person to him on earth.

Then find the right time, possibly early morning, to speak and appeal to his conscience.

Always do it Hadassah ‘s way; she waited on God before approaching the king and what seemed impossible was made very easy. If he loves you, he would adjust.

Marriage is serious business, for adults alone; age isn’t al