Engagement Can Be Broken

PHOTO: www.salon.com

PHOTO: www.salon.com

“I WAS 25 when my boyfriend of two years gave me an engagement ring. I liked him and there was no doubt that he loved me. I thought he did until he gave that ring.

“But instead of feeling happy, all I felt was panic. The only things that came to my mind from that moment were the negative things about that relationship that I had thought was beautiful.

“I felt trapped and after two weeks, I knew I could not continue to pretend that I could be happy if he were to propose a wedding sooner.

“It is been two years since and I don’t regret the decision. I have been dating other men and I feel free that I choose and not think that I have rushed into a marriage.”

Is it wise for a woman to throw away an opportunity to marry when many women seek the chance to be noticed by men?

It was difficult for me personally not to tell her that it was a stupid decision, because I knew the man she jilted. And I still can’t believe she broke with him.

He is quite good-looking and very successful- any woman’s dream- and he has since married.

But is she really happy? Which man does she hope to meet and settle down with that would be better than him? I have asked myself many times without finding answer.

I admit, of course, that love always has a role to play at the end, but I know some women who left a relationship and have regretted their actions, the reason many stick to toxic relationship.

We believe a woman can call off a relationship at any time and any stage, irrespective of an engagement on her finger. But if you think he has been honourable enough to initiate a lasting relationship by giving you that ring, try to work at your misgivings, if you think you can surmount them and make it to the alter.

Make effort, but know that it is alright to admit that you could not do it. Couples have been known to be stuck in a relationship rut for many years because they discovered that after they have taken the decision to assure each that they would always be there with a ring, they meet obstacles.

Some, when they do shuffle into marriage after much reluctance break up, because those fears are made real in marriage.

We do congratulate you for getting his ring. You are lucky that he wants to marry you, but how committed is he?

I still remember a man one of friends dated. On the third date, she came back with a shiny ring and announced “engagement ring.” She walked with that finger stuck out for all to see with a satisfied smile on face until the bubble burst.

It turned out that engagement was Johnny’s (not his name) way of getting a girl attention. He did not want competition from other men, so he “engages” his girls- rings which could be recalled when he has lost interest.

But you can break an engagement when:
You Feel Panic

Instead of being glad, you hiss and tell him you are not sure your people would approve. If his proposal does not excite you, you are right to think before you go further. But think of the good things you know about him.

If they are not enough to make you go ahead, marriage may not be what the relationship needs to have more life.
He Does Not Want To Discuss Marriage

Before and after he gave you the ring, you had discussed the future, including the ideal number of children. You cannot remember when, but suddenly, he argues when you talk of weddings, his fists clench and he looks ready for a fight.

If you look back on your lives, you may find that he has not shown commitment for some time.
You Fight All the Time

If you can’t settle simple issues without violent fights, you may not be meant for each other. It means your marriage would be equally stressful.

But do not call it quits; try to settle those things that make you angry at each other. If taking the step is his fears, ask him, you may see that he still loves you.

Because of the ring, it is possible that you have begun to play the role of a wife and become too available to him. In that case, relax a little and date as if you have just met.

But look at those things that discourage you and see if you can live with them.

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