The Truth About Emotional Affairs
You might have heard the term, understand what it means, know when it could begin – but find yourself locked in one!
You know…deleting text/email messages from a certain person, so your spouse doesn’t see them on your phone. Of course this individual is just your “colleague” and besides, your partner knows they exist. But the question is, does your spouse know the extent of this “harmless” relationship?
It’s not as innocent as you think.
In my opinion, emotional affairs are just as deadly – if not more – as physical affairs. About 75% of spouses polled in a study about infidelity, admitted to having no emotional attachment to the person they cheated with – “it was all about the sex” they said.
People take off their clothes and have sex everyday – it’s normal, but when you open your heart to someone and share the most intimate things: your fears, your vision, your hopes, your dreams, that’s being totally naked. Most couples are able to recover from the effects of a physical affair, while most in emotional affairs, never did.
While it hurts…here’s something that hurts just as deep!
Forging a relationship with someone and giving them a part of yourself that you can’t seem to give to your spouse anymore, is very dangerous (I tell you more here). You notice a man/woman who seems to act different, talk different and more importantly treat you different than your spouse, and can’t help but develop feelings for them. You do whatever it takes to be around that person.
You’ve given your heart away to the wrong person.
By the time you realize, it’s too late as the fantasy of being with them and the “joy” you feel around them is so overwhelming that you become so miserable because you know, “I can’t just walk away from my spouse!” So you keep living…between the devil and the deep blue sea.
This is never a way to live!
So what do you do and how can you fix this deep hole you’ve successfully dug for yourself – it’s not that your partner is treating you bad, they are: just too lazy, cheated on you, gained too much weight, too uncaring, don’t notice anything you do, not appreciative, emotionally unavailable and don’t make the butterflies in your stomach flutter like they used to – how can you cope with all this?
You need to tell yourself the truth…
First you need to ask yourself, “What do I feel is lacking in my relationship that is causing me to want someone else who tends to give it me” (this of course is subjective because you haven’t put that person in the SAME position as your spouse)? In any case, write them down.
On another sheet of paper, write down the good attributes of your spouse. Don’t leave anything out. Write everything! “He always takes out the trash” “She is a great mother” “He supports his family with all he has” etc. Encourage your spouse to do the same exercise and then take each other’s “negative attributes” sheet and discuss a way to fix those areas of your life.
This leads to a level of vulnerability that will help your marriage grow.
Most times, couples having emotional affairs haven’t had a chance to share their true feelings with their spouse in a way that creates dialog. Most times, the conversation leads towards more battle and gridlock. The issue here is the way in which you both communicate – it isn’t very effective in sending your message across to your spouse. Download my FREE 3-part audio series here “How To Master Effective Communication And Conflict Resolution In Your Relationship”. Listen to it together; in the car on your drive to work, at home, exercising etc. It’ll teach you how to have this very difficult conversation without any drama.
You can bet your bottom dollar on it!
So if you are looking forward to seeing that man/woman that seems to understand you better than your spouse does, newsflash, you’d be surprised that with tables turned, and this same person in your home, that there is no such thing as a perfect spouse. All you can do is work together with what you have, fix any issues you are facing with your spouse and remain committed to the process.
You’ve got it all!
Stop looking for emotional satisfaction outside your spouse. There’s nothing else out there but more hurt and drama. Remember, no one is perfect!
I’d love to hear from you, ask your questions, share your views, comment, like and share this with your friends. You never know what people are dealing with. Relationships are very “sacred” in our society and no one likes to talk about their issues. That’s ok! No one has to know, just send it to their email, or social media message box. You never know what your involvement will do to help.
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
Follow Me on Twitter/FaceBook/Instagram: @ZeeZeeIO