The One Trick To Improve Your Sex Life
Everyday, at least three times a day, I get an email from a concerned spouse telling me how frustrated they are by their sex life (or lack thereof). “She just won’t honor me by giving into me” “He’s refused to have sex with me” “Once a month? That’s so unfair!” And it goes on and on…(I talk more about sex here)
There is certainly a disconnect.
Let’s talk about non-romantic relationships for a second. When you meet or get introduced to someone you think is quite an interesting person, you enjoy talking to them because you seem to have the same interests – for men it could be sports, for women – not meaning to throw around stereotypes here – it could be your love for luxury accessories or beauty items. You laugh at the same jokes, you went to the same school, your kids (if you have any) are friends in school, or this person is such a great example of what you would want to be like, so you keep them around as a friend.
So what do you do?
You call them often. You meet up with them socially. You share your stories with them. You fill them in on your life. You encourage them when they are down. You ask what’s going on in their life. In essence, you are building a friendship. You hang out with them. You like them more, because…
You learn more about them.
This isn’t any different from the relationship you have to build with your significant other (only now, it’s romantic). When you met them, you did similar things long enough to build a relationship with them. Things that helped you to decide that this is the person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with.
Why did you stop doing this is the first place?
Most times couples think once this initial relationship is built, they don’t need to keep working on building their friendship with their spouse. They believe they have already invested all the necessary time to build a friendship that should last a lifetime, without needing to put in any additional effort. So they stop talking with their partner. They stop hanging with them. They stop sharing their stories. They stop talking about their life. They stop asking their spouse what’s going on with them. They stop building that camaraderie.
You thought everything would take care of itself!
You thought the “love” you shared would keep you relationship growing. But it didn’t. And guess the first thing that gets affected when you both are no longer ‘friends’? Yes, you guessed it! Lack of communication affects intimacy, which in turn affects your sex life. Who wants to have sex with a person they have no connection to? (See more here)
It’s all tied together.
The one thing that will help your sex life flourish is infusing a surge of energy into your friendship with your spouse. When they know you have their back, you respect them, you appreciate them, you want to be with them, you love them, then, they’ll let their guard down and literally let you in!
Want good sex? Work on your friendship.
It’s just that simple. Stop believing the lie that you don’t have to invest anymore ‘blood, sweat and tears’ into your relationship and expect your intimacy to stand the test of time. It won’t!
Dare to do something different in your relationship today!
First things first, work on becoming friends again and watch your communication improve, your conflict resolution skill get better, and your sex life soar. Anything short of this, just won’t work.
I’d love to hear from you, ask your questions, share your views, comment, like and share this with your friends. You never know what people are dealing with. Relationships are very “sacred” in our society and no one likes to talk about their issues. That’s ok! No one has to know, just send it to their email, or social media message box. You never know how this might help.
Here’s to a renewed friendship with your spouse!
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
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