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The Art Of Apologising

By Victor Ifedi
18 December 2009   |   10:00 pm
AN apology entails an expression of remorse for wrong doing. It derives from a sentiment of guilt. It may be immediate or delayed. The person making the apology expects that his or her apology will be accepted. An apology, if properly made and accepted, will restore a relationship to its previous level of concord.   A good apology should be made soon after the offence has been committed. Delaying an apology unduly may make it pretty difficult for the mistake to be rectified. To allow a spouse, relative, neighbour or a friend to nurse a grievance for too long may generate bitterness.

Therefore, our best bet is to apologise as soon as possible after the offence and when the receiver of the apology is in the right disposition to welcome the apology.

 

An apology is a good policy in human relations because it transforms hatred to friendship. The persons involved become friends after the quarrel. J. Emerson said: “No sensible person ever makes an apology”. F. Holories averred that: “Apology is only egotism wrong side out”. Both ideas are cynical and misleading. Every apology does more good than harm.

For an apology to be successful, it should be deliberate, lucid and transparently sincere: “I submit that I am wrong and I am sorry.” Surprisingly, the receiver may react: “I appreciate your apology. I also share the blame for the occasion”. It does not matter whether or not such modesty occurs. What is important is that the apology is accepted.

A casual apology does not serve any useful purpose. We should also not ask anybody else to make an apology on our behalf. An apology makes us more human. It enables us step down from an high pedestal and reconcile with others.

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