BEFORE YOU SLEEP WITH HIM, READ THIS
Ok so the fact you are actually reading this means that the thought of sleeping with him has actually entered your mind and there is nothing wrong with that. We have a “no judgement” policy here at DW our only interest is to empower women.
So we’ve all heard it said before – “sex complicates things”, which means that sex with a guy is a risky affair. Most of us have suffered the experience of being treated like Ebola victims the moment we actually sleep with a guy. That’s life – you lose some and win others.
Having said that though also think that in life if you don’t take risks you’ll never win big so the wisest thing to do is manage your risk right? So glad you agree.
Here’ my safety check list I recommend you check off before you sleep with him to make sure you manage your expectations of your new love interest:
1. GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST: Before you sleep with him you should make sure you can answer the following things about him. His middle name, how many siblings he has and at least 3 of his friend’s names. I don’t suggest you ask him these questions directly either. That would mean you are cheating. You need to have spent enough time with him to be able to get this information off him without soliciting the info to be able to say you have had sufficient conversation and time with him and that he has opened up about himself to you. He should be able to tell you same about yourself and then you know you are on your way to becoming friends with this person.
2. MEET HIS FRIENDS: Have you met any of his friends yet and by meeting them I mean spent time with him and his friends in a social setting. Observe what kind of friends he keeps – don’t forget our friends are a reflection of who we are. Also notice how he interacts with them. It’s a good indication of how he manages his relationships with people.
3. FAMILY TIES: It would be great to see him in his family setting and see how he treats his parents and siblings. Even if he does not take you to meet his family yet try and observe how he teats his family members especially his mother. Is he kind, considerate or rude to them? Watch and learn, it’s a preview to how he will eventually treat you.
4. THE HELP: How people treat people who serve them is very insightful to what sort of people they are (you may have to give some leeway to this rule if you are observing interactions with Nigerian waiters, drivers or maids who only comply with abuse). If your man seems to be unnecessarily rude to service people or people he considers beneath himself again it’s a preview to the treatment that awaits you.
5. HAVE BRAIN SEX FIRST: After a while when physical attraction starts to fade in your relationship you are going to have to have a lot of brain sex with your partner to make sure you remain on the same page. So check out your intellectual compatibility before you jump in the sex with this person. There is no point in sleeping with someone whose grammar, political views or sense of reasoning is on another planet from yours.
6. HAVE AN ARGUMENT: I’m not advising you go around picking fights with your intended before you sleep with him but it would really help you know what sort of person you are considering sleeping with if you are able to see how they handle arguments. Arguments are not pleasant but if you are with someone who has a good ability to resolve issues and not fight dirty I think you are onto a good start.
7. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT? : ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT?’ most important question in life. What do you want? If you identify what you want and not lose sight of your desired outcome I assure you that you will be more strategic about how you go about getting it. Decide up front what you want from this “friend-lationship” and figure out what he wants. Don’t ask him what he wants chances are that he will either tell you what you want to hear but may not mean or tell you what you don’t want to hear! Study him, does he ask you out on dates, call you regularly and consistently, invite you to go to events with him? If so he is probably on the market for a girlfriend. If on the other hand he does not want to account for his time, is too busy and only sees you at his convenience then I think it’s fair to file this guy under ‘fun and free’ and it’s up to you to decide if you want to sleep with someone who only wants a causal relationship.
8. MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY STABLE: Yeah I know … the sharp increase in single, suited and stark raving mad men out there is alarming…. but the longer you take to know him before you sleep with them the better your chances of not catching any PSTDs (psychological stressfully transmitted diseases)!
9. YOU CALL THE SHOTS: When and if you decide to sleep with him, you should totally be your decision. Don’t feel pressured, manipulated or bullied into sleeping with him. If he is a man worth your time and body by now he should have gotten you to a place where you can’t to give it up. If he is not then he will make it a chore that you feel you need to do just to move the relationship to the next level. Don’t fall for it. In my experience the men that ‘rush’ women to have sex with them are men who have nothing to offer and they need to rush you into sleeping with them before you realise he has nothing worthwhile to offer you!
10. BE SAFE: Make sure you have protected sex. The most common type of protected sex is with a condom and its good practice to always use one. The other way to protect yourself when you have sex is to have a ‘no camera or camcorder policy’. Don’t let anyone trick you into spicing things up with a camera or recorder – it will only end in tears!
Till next time ladies … keep it real!