The One Reason A Lot Of Marriages Fail
Marriages are very fragile today. A lot of people go in just hoping for the best. People are no longer getting married because they are willing to make a commitment for life. “Till death do us part” has become “Hey, I hope this all turns out ok, if not, I’m out the door!”
It doesn’t have to be this way!
So at the first sign of trouble in paradise, people just separate because they have the mindset that “Hey, I just happened to get into a marriage that didn’t work out but the problem was that those circumstances were not right so let me change them by leaving.” People actually believe marriage working is about the right circumstances! This is why people think they have the right to start looking for someone else if their spouse is not giving them what they need. People begin looking at their current spouse as a “circumstance” they can’t control and need to change.
This is a wrong mindset, and the reason a lot of marriages no longer last.
The right mindset towards marriage is realizing that marriage is a collection of different and changing “circumstances” over the course of the relationship! And you must be able to adapt at each stage. Most newlyweds come into marriage in the romantic love stage, but unfortunately this stage doesn’t last beyond 3 to 5 years in most relationships. This is quickly followed by the disillusionment stage where people realize they are not getting out of the relationship what they signed up for. More and more people are jumping ship at this stage, because they believe that once the “circumstances” have changed from romantic love to disillusionment, it’s time to go!
Actually, here’s the right thing to do!
The best solution for this is adequate preparation before marriage. If couples go through pre-marital coaching, they will actually have the opportunity to express to each other what their expectations are in the relationship. Coaching on how to effectively communicate also helps prevent the disillusionment stage from derailing most relationships. Even if couples didn’t benefit from pre-marital coaching or counseling sessions, there are is always post-marital coaching or counseling to help them transition effectively between the different stages.
And here’s why…
Healthy marriages work not because the “circumstances” don’t change. They work because they are always able to transition back to the initial set of “circumstances” that brought the couple together. And those “circumstances” are usually romantic love. If you are in a relationship where the “circumstances” have changed, rather than give up, why not get help so you can transition back to the initial reason you got married?
It is the only way to enjoy a healthy relationship!
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.