How To Apologize To Your Spouse !
I know you are probably saying to yourself, “Please ZeeZee! Why do you assume that I don’t know how to say a simple “sorry” to my spouse?”
Therein lies my point.
Apologizing to your spouse is actually more than saying a “simple sorry”. Yes! It is.
When you’ve said/done/alluded to something you know might have upset your spouse, or, your spouse lets you know that something you’ve said/done/alluded to has hurt them, what is the first thing you do?
Say you’re sorry right? Wrong.
Whenever someone gets hurt by something you’ve said or done, it behooves you to let them know that whatever it was that they “felt” you had said or done wasn’t “intended” to hurt them.
You need to acknowledge the hurt you see/they say you’ve caused them.
Because skipping over the hurt you’ve caused your spouse, straight to a dry “I’m sorry” makes them feel extremely belittled, underappreciated or undervalued. They feel like;
“Do you even know what you are apologizing for?”
Acknowledging the hurt by saying something like “My dear, when I said you never did anything for me, I see how that statement hurt your feelings and I apologize. I know you have done tons for me and that was quite the exaggeration and it wasn’t my intention to hurt you.”
Even if your intention was to tell them that something they did hurt you.
Learning how to communicate with your spouse is a whole other course that EVERY married person should take. After you learn how to communicate, you typically learn that gross over-exaggerations and general statements are not ways to communicate issues you feel you must bring up with your spouse. That lesson though, is one for another day. (Curious? Check out more on effective communication here)
The assumption here is you already know how to talk, listen and respond to your spouse.
So, now you’ve acknowledged the hurt you’ve caused them, you go straight into the “real” intent of your message. “What I really meant to say dear, is that I feel a bit overlooked when you spend more time doing other activities than you do with me. I know you’ve been busy and I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. Any chance we could work out a way to spend more time together?”
This is how you get it done!
This approach will work wonders for your relationship. Acknowledge the hurt you caused your spouse FIRST, then go into a sincere apology that makes them aware of your real intent in bringing up the issue. They have to know that it wasn’t done with the intent to shame or belittle them, but with the intent to solve a problem that you both are facing in your marriage.
For this method to work, your ego must be checked at the door. J
I’d love to hear how this all worked out for you. So, leave me a comment or ask me any questions you might have – anytime.
Here’s to your refreshed method of apologizing to your spouse.
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
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