Don’t Accept That Ring !
It is too ridiculous to mention the number of people that email me daily telling me they made the wrong decision by marrying their spouse. Hearing their stories always does two things for me; it reminds me how much work there is to be done in reshaping people’s mindsets and it reminds me to be grateful that I have been chosen to work in such an amazing capacity – helping people on their way towards true and lasting love.
So what do I usually tell them when they say this?
“Pull up your big girl/boy pants, you’ve got work to do!” As a marriage & relationship coach, the assumption is I only work with married people. Now that can’t be further from the truth. Today, I am dedicating my article to ‘all the single ladies (and guys)’ who are not quite married yet! You might be in a long-term committed relationship, just starting one, or not even close to any type of relationship.
Listen up! It’s time for some schooling!
While it might be easy to stand in judgment of the married folks who are in constant disbelief that they were “hoodwinked” into marriage, it is important to note that the issues they are experiencing now, started somewhere.
It started in the exact place you are now!
Most single people want to get hitched because the “marriage fantasy” played over and over in their heads since childhood (no thanks to the king of fairytales, Disney), is always one of boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, boy proposes and does a special dance with her and they live happily ever after. Isn’t this all so great?
Stop being gullible!
It never happens that way. Cut from dating to when the people get in a committed relationship and “poof “– they see their fantasy disappear, becoming hard truths that they probably can’t live with. They still go ahead with the wedding because “What will people say?” or “I’ve already gotten my dress” or at the top of their wish list, “S/He will change after we get married!”
It’s not too late to save yourself.
Those gut feelings you have that all isn’t well, should never be ignored. As spiritual beings, the good Lord has dispensed himself within us to guide, lead and counsel us to a path of greatness. We have the Holy Spirit! And that’s who’s responsible for convincing you to deal with that nagging feeling of doubt you feel about this guy becoming your husband or girl becoming your wife.
No one can complete you or make you happy!
No one will change after you marry him/her!
No one will care more when you bear the same last name!
No one will love you more when they see how “awesome” a spouse you can be!
Whatever you see now is what you’ll get (times a thousand)!
If they are not communicating much with you now, they will be totally mute when you get married. If they are hitting you now, they will beat you into a pulp when you get married. If they are harsh with you now, the venom will be much more when you get married.
Catch my drift?
Do you know anything about your spouse-to-be? Do you share the same values? Do you know their expectations for your marriage? Do you have the same definition of marriage? What do you have in common? Do you both agree on the vision for your union? Do you have the same goals in marriage? Do your ideas for the future align?
Marriage is not the place to figure out these things!
You MUST know the answers to these and many more questions before you say “Yes!” If you have any doubt or your partner isn’t willing to budge in one area, then you should absolutely seek pre-marital coaching. Though they may kick against it, this one step could be the first major step to living a life of love, joy and peace…forever! Alone, or with this special someone.
So once that question is popped, you might need to say ‘No, I think we aren’t ready yet!” then begin to work together towards getting ready. Or if you said “Yes” before reading this, it’s never too late to back out. You’ll be saving yourself from a life of absolute misery.
It’s best to figure it all out BEFORE you get married!
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
Follow Me on Twitter/FaceBook/Instagram: @ZeeZeeIO