3 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Falling Apart – Part Two
The first part of this article has shown us the importance of having the right mindset in marriage. For your marriage to thrive as it was meant to, there is just no way around this.
Where do we go from here?
In this second part, we’ll be exploring two more reasons why Nigerian marriages are failing. Some of us may already know what they are and how they affect our homes, but need to actually learn how damaging they could be.
Let’s talk about external factors.
What’s the economy got to do with it? It’s unbelievable “how much” it has to do with it. The economy affects our money, period! And what happens when you don’t have has much as you’d like? You withdraw, you start thinking 24/7 how you could make more of it, you become irritable, you begin leaving the house early and coming home late, your partner starts berating you for not being “present”, you tell them a thing or two about their life, you have a heated argument, anger, resentment and it all goes downhill from there.
Why do they have to affect us this way?
Simple. We let them. When you married your partner, you swore that it would be “for better for worse” and the two of you will be each other’s support till death. However, when the “worse” starts to happen, you forget these vows and pour your frustration from the outside world, on your partner. This surely doesn’t help.
Decide to do different!
Let your spouse in on your troubles instead. Tell them when the outside world has hurt you. Reach out to them when you feel the economy, business partners, work, family, etc. have let you down. Don’t keep it in. This singular action does a great job of connecting you both, as by doing it, you are involving them in all areas of your life, making them feel cherished and wanted in the marriage. And hey, the added bonus; they’ll pray for your success.
Here’s a word to the wise
A good way to not let external factors affect your marriage is by learning how to cut your coat according to your cloth. Revisit those areas of your life where you find you are striving to meet up financially, but can’t afford to. Once you release them, you’ll find all the pressure that comes with “chasing cheddar” gone. You are more focused on building a life with your spouse and won’t let anything deter you.
Get rid of your selfish intentions
So you entered into marriage with a message from the “holy grail of watching out for yourself”; “What’s in it for me?” “This person better be able to afford my lifestyle!” “Be at my beck and call”, “Deal with whatever I dish out as I don’t have time for rubbish!” “Do whatever I say, when I say it, how I demand it!” Small wonder marriages are in such trouble these days. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch out for yourself, I’m only asking that you do not go into marriage with the intention to ‘balance’ and be served.
That attitude doesn’t help!
Do I have to explain how selfishness and marriage are two elements that just don’t mix well? I guess I must. When you get married, your giving senses have to become heightened. You are with someone you think is worth spending your whole life with, so every fiber of your being should work towards meeting his or her needs. And no, I’m not asking you to do things for them that might break the law etc. I am asking that you put their needs ahead of yours. This doesn’t mean you become a doormat, it just means that you value them so much, that you are willing to bless their life with goodness, every chance you get.
Remember what happens when we give?
We get! As you show them love, the laws of the universe kick in on your behalf and you begin to receive love from them. We’ve all heard that #LoveWins? Well, it surely does, whether or not you think they deserve it. You married them right? After you said that very important “speech”? So clearly, they were worth your effort at that time and haven’t ceased being the person you swore to stand by for the rest of your life.
Last but not least…
When we give, we love. When we give, we receive. We lose the plot when we try to put them out of sequence. Our marriages are SO worth the effort. If we let go of these three patterns that hinder, we’ll find our marriages will become a place of love, peace, and unending joy.
Here’s to a healthy and renewed relationship!
Photo Credit: Essence
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.