Are Good Husbands Hard To Find?
In spite of the customary vilification of the menfolk by women, ‘I, solemnly, declare that I will continue to be a crest-bearer of all that is good and admirable in men, all the days of my life. So, help me God (I hope this does not come across as a cliché or one tenuous submission because I take myself too seriously, on this score, to expect anyone else not to).’
So, having established my unyielding belief in my gentlemanliness, I can safely proceed to call to question such men who have, consistently, brought their fellow men into disrepute, through either a negative force of habit or sheer indiscretion.
Reason is, some men are, largely, known to have caused women a great deal of heartache and pain in different circumstances. But, what distinguishes real men from the others is that rare ability to show a clear understanding and tolerance of women — even in the face of overwhelming provocation — at all times. While, like most men, I may not exactly be flawless, I can trust myself to possess that nobility of spirit to say sorry to a woman when I’m wrong and accept the burden of responsibility for any untoward behaviour.
This is why I will proceed to apologise to all women who — for no fault of theirs — have suffered all kinds of indignities in the hands of some men. But, does that now make every man a monster? Will this also mean that women are beyond reproach?
In good conscience, I’m at a loss as to how it all started. But, the argument, which is raging like wild fire at the height of harmattan, among women, is that men who are good enough to be considered as husbands are now very few and far between. Yet, the logical questions to ask regarding this cruel pigeonholing of all men will be: How empirically true is this? Isn’t this a product of what philosophers call ‘fallacy of hasty generalisation’? In truth, men have been victims of all kinds of demonising by women. From such unkind summing up of all men as ‘useless’, ’insensitive’, ‘selfish’ etc. Yet, if men are all these and more to most women, why are our nubile sisters trying to outdo themselves in getting the attention of suitors day after day?
It would also seem a paradox that if there is a dearth of good men ‘serious’ enough to walk women down the aisle, why is it that no single weekend passes without one wedding or another? Even if, sadly enough, a few of these weddings do not last the distance, why do many more women, than we are willing to admit, hold marriage so dear?
As we have come to find out, some women get married for the very wrong reasons. While a few are interested in earning that title ‘Mrs’, only for being seen to be ‘socially correct’, others see marriage to ‘just any man’, out of desperation, as a way out of years of being ‘on the shelf’. To others, especially, those who marry a man for how ‘loaded’ he is, nothing else will matter. Yet, in all of these, there are responsible men who wait for those nubile sisters to no avail. I see them every Sunday in Church.
While I am not saying ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’ cannot be found in the ‘house of God’, it only stands to reason that so many marriages have taken place, in these hallowed precincts, because of the stringent rules guiding dating and eventual tying of the nuptial knots. At least, through those sessions for ‘dating couples’, man and woman know a bit more about themselves. So, while it is convenient for women to bemoan the dearth of ‘husband materials’, one needs to ask the question: where, on earth, have they been looking? I think a woman gets the kind of man she wants, depending on where she has been ‘fishing’. So, what do we expect out of a marriage that is hurriedly ‘rigged up’ like an illegality? And at whose doorstep do we lay the blame of a marriage without the right foundation? Make no mistake about it, the length of time that a man and woman court, before marriage, counts for nothing when the right man meets the woman with whom he finds a rhythm. Or is it that women are too concerned with inanities to see clearly?
I do not, in all honesty, think there has ever been a decline in the number of men who are good for marriage. What seems the greatest problem to me is the prevalent loss of values by the latter-day nubile girls, who put the wrong considerations ahead of marriage. Otherwise, why will a girl, who is ripe enough for marriage, only consider ‘ready-made men’ and not those who are hard working, but yet to have all the ‘good things of life’?
Ironically, with all the ‘crying wolf’ where there is none of women about the scarcity of potential ‘good’ husbands or the likelihood of these men going into extinction, we see these days more married and pregnant female Youth Corps members, unlike what transpired in the late 80s to the 90s. Indeed, today, you must encounter eight married and pregnant female corps members out of every 10. So, who then is saying men good enough to marry are in short supply? I really, cannot comprehend it. But, beyond mischief-making and outright wickedness of those, who are concocting up such scary statistics and uncomplimentary perception about the menfolk, what is sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. For every boy, who is perceived as unfit or unready for marriage, there are as many girls out there.
I know that everywhere women have failed, men are the easy fall guys and cannon fodders. And because we don’t complain, does it make them right to keep tarring us with the brush of disdain? This can only be the reason why men are compelled to carry the can for even things they do not have the foggiest idea about. But, my timely counsel to mothers, who encourage their daughters to go the way of materialism, instead of choosing true love, is this: in time, you’ll see clearly.