Ask Zeezee: What To Do When Your Partner Spends More Time With Friends

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over six years and I realised that recently, he has been very distant. He never really wants to go out with me and mostly spends all his time at work and at other times, he hangs out with his friends. We now see each other much less than we used to. We had a very happy relationship but I don’t understand what has happened recently and why he is so distant. I can’t take this anymore but really scared to lose him. Please help me!

A: Hi there, I’ll make the assumption that you have talked to your boyfriend about his recent change in behaviour? The first step is always to talk about any changes observed – using effective communication methods – giving your partner the chance to speak their mind without standing in judgment of them.

I’d like to point out that your stance when you say, “I am scared to lose him,” might not be the healthiest. It’s best to not give anyone that much power in your life where you think you can’t live without them. While I understand that you’ve dated him for six years and will feel like you’ve wasted a lot of your time already if things don’t work out, I’m a firm believer that it is best you lose a few years than getting stuck in an unhealthy relationship for the rest of your life. I think you need to be of a very different mindset that you will be fine even if this long-term relationship falls apart. I know it’s hard, but that’s the first step in being able to see clearly the hints your boyfriend might already be showing you in regards to your relationship and his sudden dissociating behaviour.

You and your boyfriend sound like you need to have one of those “honest and open” discussions where you tell yourselves the real truth about what’s really happening. You need to be ready for this though…as you might not like what you hear, but take it from me that this is much better than living in a confused state as you are now.

I wish you all the best and please reach out to me if you need further guidance on how to go about having this discussion with your boyfriend.

I wish you all the best!