Ask Zeezee: Managing a nagging partner in a distant relationship
Q: I’m married and currently live in a different country, away from my wife and three children. I really love my family but it has become extremely difficult to keep up with my wife and her unending, unreasonable requests of me. After a full day’s work, she expects me to call her and deal with issues on her end, which I think she already has the capacity to handle. We fight endlessly and it makes me never want to call her. Is there anything we can do to fix this?
A: Long distance relationships are extremely tasking on any two people. I understand your frustration and why you think she shouldn’t be involving you with problems she is facing on her end, but you have to be able to see things from her perspective as well.
The first thing that needs to happen is you both need to understand the plan on how to close the gap between you. How long are you away for? Will you be moving back home or will she and the children be moving to your new base? In essence, a plan will put some perspective around your absence and will help each of you work towards a common goal.
Consider that your absence is leaving her extremely vulnerable, especially with three kids? I have three kids as well and being a mother to them during periods where my husband’s been absent, has been quite tasking on us. However, what gave us hope was the fact that we’d be reunited someday due to being on the same page with regard to our future plans.
I suggest having a discussion with her and laying out a plan. Then, fix regular times when you both can catch up during the day and show that you are making time for this to happen. You sound like you really want to make this work, so it will all come together.
I wish you all the best!