Making that relationship work
Relationship can be funny sometimes. I don’t mean the unserious kind of funny, although I’ve seen my fair share of that too. Rather, I’m referring to what you probably already know: relationships can be irritating, weird, annoying, illogical, bizarre, and troublesome.
One of the biggest contradictions is how we can go from loving someone passionately to feeling absolutely nothing for them. Usually, this process happens gradually and it usually comes from settling. In fact, overtimes, I’ve noticed that the number one killer of relationships is settling.
While it’s natural to settle to a degree, most couples take it too far, losing any sort of passion and excitement. Then, the relationships falls apart due to the problems that come from settling (boredom, lack of attraction, falling out of love, and cheating). However, you can keep them from failing to begin with these few tips to kind of protect your relationship.
You Need To Create Adventure
Relationships start out fun and exciting. But, sadly, that often fades as time goes on. The two people who once couldn’t wait to see each other now would prefer to watch TV, be alone, or spend time with other people.
In the early phases of any relationship, the brain rapidly bonds you to the person you’re attracted to through the release of brain chemicals like dopamine, which is the pleasure chemical. It’s why you eagerly and excitedly anticipated every phone call, text message, and chance to see your lover back at the start of the relationship. But, those brain chemicals tend to fade after the first couple of years and you no longer have your brain keeping you “in love.” Instead, you have to work at keeping the dopamine levels high.
One way to do this is to create some adventure and excitement in your relationship. It doesn’t have to be tedious activities, just new activities you both enjoy. You’re not only getting the positive rush of dopamine from the fun activities, but you’re also spending time and bonding with your partner.
You Need To Communicate Creatively
A friend of mine and his wife were never very adventurous sexually. He wanted more but didn’t try because she was, in his words, vanilla. After a few years together she asked him why he was always so vanilla in bed because she wanted to experiment. He was shocked.
Communication is important in relationships, but usually experts advise it in terms of sharing feelings and resolving issues. However, communication is also important to keep the relationship fun and passionate.
If you think it’s super sexy that your partner does something, tell her and ask for more of it. If you want your partner to step it up in the passion department, let him know. Having honest conversations about what makes you passionate and happy will help keep the fire in the relationship.
A passionate, exciting relationship is sometimes just a conversation away. Open lines of communication will allow you and your partner to meet each other’s needs as best as possible. Sometimes it’s just a matter of discussing it. TRY IT.
You Need To Work On Yourselves
A guy I went to the university with who was about 7-10yrs older at the time was telling me about his dating woes and how he couldn’t pull in girls the way he did in the past. Then, we started talking about how much time he spent in the gym trying to impress women (You know these days, we women love a fit man). He didn’t do that anymore anyways. In other words, while he worked hard in the past to be his most attractive, he had given that up in his older age.
People don’t just settle into relationships. They also settle in life. They go from energetic young men and women with passion and optimism to tired, older people who are negative, passionless, and cynical. And, these traits aren’t attractive. It’s a sad fact of many long-term relationships that both partners lose attraction to each other.
Then, they dance around the issue by going to counseling or trying other expensive methods when the reality is that if both partners took a little better care of themselves, the passion and excitement would return.
So, if you want to avoid settling in your relationship, don’t settle period. Keep in good shape, have passion for your hobbies, learn new things, keep your mind in top shape, and pursue excellence in all ways. If your partner does the same, your relationship will stay exciting and fresh.
You Need To Put In Effort
When I was a university student, I put in hours and hours of work to get my degrees. Some minor glitches but at the end, it was worth it because I was determined to find the success that came from getting a degree. I wanted something that was valuable and put in the effort needed to earn it.
Relationships are also valuable and take hard work. Ultimately, not settling is about putting in the effort needed to keep the passion and excitement alive in the relationship. This is especially key to do when the relationship becomes difficult, which all do from time to time.
So, if you and your partner have settled and you’re unhappy about it, or, you fear that you’ll settle and be unhappy in the future, these tips will help you keep the passion and excitement alive. Make that relationship work.
To our happiness. Cheers.