Better communication with your man

So many relationships fail because it seems like sometimes, we are expected to be mind readers. Both the man and the woman feel they should know stuffs about each other without asking and things do not work out that way in relationships. How are we supposed to know how we are feeling if we do not share these feelings with each other. If there is one thing that confounds most women the most, it is how to communicate with men. It seems like every woman, no matter how confident, reaches a point where she does not know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, or even if it should be said at all! This happens to me a lot. And this especially goes for men and their work.

Unless you are one of the few women who work alongside their man, chances are the average workday is the longest amount of time where you simply do not know what he is doing. You would like to ask him about it, and show your support, but sometimes it seems like he closes up tighter than a clam the moment his work is mentioned. Other times, he is clearly stressed about work but, unlike we women, he does not think he will feel better by just venting about it. Women like to keep lines of communication open between them and their partners, but at the same time we want to respect what seems like his desire to keep it to himself. Let me start out by reminding you of two things about men:

*A man’s job is very important to his self-esteem. Say what you want about evolving gender roles. For a man, being a breadwinner – even if the bread’s only for him is one of the things that make him feel like a man. What this means for you is that while he is probably happier than he has been in a while, he also may be more focused than he has been in a while. And that means he may not have time for you. Why is that? Because of the second thing:

*Men are not good at multi-tasking. We women are so incredibly adept at multitasking that we forget that men are really just plain bad at it! So, while he may not be contacting you, chances are it is not because he suddenly finds you unattractive. It is because he is all about the job right now.

That being said, there is no reason why you cannot drop a call or a text to let him know you are thinking about him and wish him well. More than just a possible date, he is a human being, and everyone loves to know that someone is rooting for them. The main thing is to be supportive! You can ask him how the job is going, too. No harm in that. But if you feel like he is not very comfortable talking to you about it, then it is best not to push the issue, again, wish him well and wait for him to bring up the topic. In the meantime, though, keep your options open by meeting and dating other men, just so that he knows he has not “won” you just yet! This advice is not only for men and their jobs, it is also for women who are already in long-term relationships and it goes for other things that may be occupying your man at the moment.

As i said earlier, men do not multitask. So, it is wise to choose the right time and place to bring up something you want to talk about, but with a little patience and observation, you can, and it is better for the both of you in the long run.

As far as subject matter, jobs really are a sticky territory for men. In the case whereby he does not have a job, my advice to us women is that men really do find jobs very important to their self-worth. Whether you are talking to, dating or exclusive with a man who is unemployed, it is absolutely crucial that you stay as positive as possible! And sometimes, by positive, it means not mentioning the job search at all! Trust me when I say, he is beating himself up enough inside about not having a job, so even if you bring it up in a positive way, he is going to project his own doubts and insecurities onto whatever you are saying, and nothing good will come of it.

So, my final piece of advice is this: if he brings the “job” topic up, be his very best cheerleader! Being positive should include fun distractions and other positive activities and words that take his mind off of what can sometimes be a painful reality for him. I know this may sound confusing and counter-intuitive. Sometimes, it can seem like men are impossible to read, but actually they are not at all. They just want to be understood that is all. Just as we ladies crave for attention, so do our men. So let us treat them, as we want to be treated.
To our happiness. Cheers.

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Kemi AmushanRelationships

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